Amethyst 2. Embark ✓ [Editing Now]

36. Comma

My heart was a turmoil of emotions.

I hadn't gone back to Asteria. Something told me I couldn't.

With everything that had happened, my tortured heart was yearning to see Crystal.

Even though these days, my heart seemed to be confused as to what it wanted.

It had never wanted to resist Aris' touch, and yet it lusted for Crystal's as well. There was something different in how I felt about both of them, but I didn't understand what. Aris was comfortable. Like home. Crystal was like a destination.

That analogy made my heart ache further. What the hell was wrong with me?

I made my way to her apartment the next afternoon and knocked on the door. She opened it and my heart skipped happily at the sight of her smile. "Hey."

She pulled me in and hugged my close as I took in her comforting, familiar scent even as my stomach turned guiltily. She leaned backwards and looked at me. "I missed you."

I gripped her close. "I missed you too."

I sat on the couch as she went to the kitchen, whipping a cup of coffee. "Would you like some lunch?"

I shook my head no. What I really needed was a distraction. She seemed to notice something was off and walked over to me, her hazel eyes swimming with concern. "What's wrong?"

Everything.

I killed my mom, my half brother and six assassins. Also I might be in love with my best friend.

I remained quiet, biting my lip and taking a deep breath. "Just come here."

I stretched a hand out for her to take which she did and I held her close. My heart fluttered in my chest, leaving me confused.

"Just...a lot of stuff has been happening," I whispered against her.

She melted into my embrace as I drew comfort from her warmth. She spoke softly. "Is this about...your training?"

I didn't say anything. "I've been stressing so much over it. I'd..really prefer not to talk about it,"
She took a deep breath, placing her hand on my chest as she leaned back. "Whatever you need Zeke."

Without thinking, without rationalizing, I kissed her.

It was like all my pent up emotions were bursting forth in passion as my tongue explored her wet, hot mouth. I pulled her onto me, fitting her body close and knotting her hair in my fingers as I kissed her hungrily.

"Zeke..." she whispered against my mouth and I was destroyed.

"I need you Cris," I whispered huskily. "Make me forget."

The doctor had told my dad that I had escapist tendencies. Unlike several parents, he had been brutally transparent with my diagnosis. Even though I had been young, he hadn't blinded me from it, for which I was grateful. He had made me come to terms with what had happened with me. Even though he never forced me to tell him explicitly. I knew he would already know everything, if not all the gory details. The doctor told my dad it would be difficult for me to recover if I kept everything pent up. If I didn't let my emotions out. If I didn't cry.

The only time I had ever let my emotions out, it had resulted in a furious blaze that juggernaut everything in its path. 

And now, I was terrified of letting my emotions out at all. I needed a distraction.

She gasped, her lips trailing hungrily on my skin as I let myself fall into her touches. I hooked her legs around my waist and carried her over to the bed, climbing on top of her as my lips found hers again. I was desperate for anything. To feel anything other than the fear and helplessness that I had felt. I needed to feel in control again.

She bit her lip, her eyes alight with desire. Her hands tugged my tshirt off hastily, raking her fingernails on my skin as I gasped. I moaned softly as she reached lower, unbuttoning my pants and discarding them swiftly. I trailed kisses on her neck, sucking at it gently. She pushed me back so I was lying down and got on top of me, biting my earlobe.

For a while, it worked. All I felt were her intoxicating touches. All I wanted was her skin on mine. To hear her moans. To feel her hands. Her mouth.

Our naked, hot bodies writhing against each other till we were breathless.

We lay silently after a while as she sidled closer to me and I wrapped my arms around her, my mind wandering back immediately to the impending situation. The Znicit hadn't worked. And now I was doomed to live with the powers that had only felt like a curse.

Not to mention that I was a selfish monster toying with two of the most beautiful people's emotions. 

She turned to look at me and my heart did a double take as I saw her hazel eyes. "What's on your mind?"

I sighed stroking her arm gently. "A lot. My powers..." I bit my lip. "They're...off. Somehow."

I didn't tell her about the bloodletting and necromancy. I didn't want to scare her. More so, I didn't want to scare myself. Saying it out loud would make it more concrete. She traced her fingers on my chest as she whispered. "Is it bad?"

"I'll be okay," I whispered back, pulling her closer to me. "I just need...to get used to it."

"Used to what?"

The fact that I am a murderer.

"The...powers. They are unfamiliar."

She nodded in understanding and I tucked my chin on her head, gently breathing her in and stroking her back. Darkness fell while I lay there, the room a rife with her soft breathing while I remained wide awake, an impending fear in my heart.