Going Red - An Auslly Fanfiction

thirty - thoughts

Ally's POV (lol ik i haven't switched POV's in YEARS)

Getting up was pain for me now.

I felt empty and alone. Like no one loves me and the universe is was out to get me. It seems as though whenever I reach a spot in my life that I'm happy, something ruins it.

First, my dad died. While I was almost done recovering from it, my mother tried to basically pimp me out. Then, after I finally got over being molested, I met Jasper. After becoming strong enough to fall in love and be happy again with Austin, Jasper comes back.

I wouldn't be surprised if my mom popped in, if she's even still alive.

I know Austin and Laura love me, but continuously going through so much pain everyday was getting tiring. I'm so tired of being happy one minute, then crying and stressing the next.

I listened to the apology from Jasper last night. Laura told me to wait until she or Austin could be there for me, but the tape recorder was right there on the counter and Laura wasn't home. I couldn't help herself.

I really wish I would have listened, though.

Staring up at the ceiling, I sigh before pushing myself to get up. I swing my legs off my feet off the bed and head out of my room to the bathroom.

I close the bathroom door behind me and go straight to look in the mirror.

My appearance wasn't pleasant. There's no denying I haven't been sleeping well; the bags under my eyes would tell it all. My skin was much more pale, almost sickening. It reminded me of when I was with Jasper.

"You're overreacting, Laura," I sigh to my sister as I stood in the mirror. "It's just a hickey."

"Hickes shouldn't have the shape of a hand, Ally."

I stare at the bruise on my neck. Jasper choked me last night. I can't blame him, though. I deserved it. What was I thinking wearing a dress that tight? I had a boyfriend; I shouldn't be dressing like that.

"We got a little rush," I say quietly, shrugging as I ducked my head while leaving the bathroom. "Just leave it."

Before I can move away, Laura grabs my hand with a huff. "Ally. You look like shit."

"Wow, thanks."

"You haven't been eating, sleeping, that boy has been hitting you—" "We we're playing—" "I'm starting to worry."

"Well, don't. I'm fine."

The memories have been coming more frequently lately, but I don't have the energy to panic or cry anymore. I've done it too much lately.

I open up the mirror to grab my pills. My doctor told me it was safe for me to stop taking them, gradually. I went from taking them daily, to weekly, and I was taking them monthly before I went back to taking them daily due to the Jasper situation.

Sighing, I stare at the bottle. I wonder would it hurt for me to take five. Would I overdose? I'm only supposed to take two.

But I'm so tired. Tired of crying, not being able to sleep, feeling like crap... I'm tired of Jasper's bullshit. I am just tired of everything.