Serving the Commander

All of this for me

The days blur together moping around the room, some days doing nothing others forcing yourself to at least eat and clean up. Still unsure as to why the commander has had such an effect on you, after what seems like forever Doris informs you that the commander asked about you "I think he is growing impatient my dear, as much as I love caring for him I must admit I'm getting tired myself."

Promising her to return to work tomorrow, convincing yourself it is only to benefit Doris not for Kylo. Morning comes quickly waking and preparing for the day ahead, spacing through getting dressed before forcing down a meal and slugging towards his room. Entering the passcode pausing listening half expecting to hear him inside, relieved when you don't, inside seeing his room already clean, the bed linen changed and neatly placed in the hamper his bed made nicely. 'Why am I here? Did Doris think I wasn't going to show up cleaning for me?'

To pass the time deciding to snoop through what you can without being caught, opening drawer after drawer finding nothing out of place or interesting. Walking to his closet opening it eyeing the black hole of clothes, running your fingers along the fabrics pulling out one of his cloaks wrapping it around yourself. His scent intoxicates you holding it tightly against your body, the massive size of it swallowing you. Standing there in the loneliness of his empty room clutching his cape before putting it back up 'that's all you need, him to walk in and get the wrong idea again.'

Skipping the check in with the commander finding yourself wondering the halls, getting lost every now and then, seeing troopers and other servants preforming their daily tasks. Walking down a long hall eyes catching a figure standing by a large window, immediately knowing it to be the commanders darting off hoping he did not see you. Continuing to wander finding yourself by the front doors, opening the hatch a freezing breeze steals the air in your lungs. 'I could just leave; it would be easy to just walk away and never come back no one would even miss me.'

Stepping out into the cold feeling the snow crunch beneath your feet beginning to run as fast as you can into the surrounding woods. Running for what seems like forever before crashing into a tree limb cutting your shoulder, catching yourself grabbing for the nearest tree panting, holding onto your bleeding skin 'I can't leave, as much as I want too there is nowhere to go on this planet. If I do not go back, I'll die out here.' The cold finally catching up to you, realizing you don't even have a jacket on turning around heading back to base.

The sun starts setting just as you arrive back, once inside noticing your shivering pretty badly wishing you could just go back to your own room and warm up, instead beginning to walk towards the commander's room. 'I'll set his room up quickly and then I can be alone again.' The door flings open mouth dropping, you are met with a massive amount of rose petals on the floor leading directly to his bathroom. "Oh my" you say thinking 'I've definitely interrupted something I should not have...' letting curiosity get the best of you after listening to make sure you don't hear anyone finding yourself following the path.

Inside the bathroom gasping from the sight of the candle lit room the bath water sprinkled with the same petals, the lingering scent of eucalyptus 'how dare he use my favorite scent for some other person he just keeps making things worse.' Walking to the mirror staring back at yourself 'damn, I look like a mess.' Hair messed up from trying to run away dress torn and shoulder bleeding. Looking down with disappointment noticing a small note sitting on the counter, picking it up reading that it's from Kylo 'he's apologizing for standing you up... all of this... is for me...' a warm tingling feeling runs through your body 'he does care, he did all this for me.'

Turning heading towards the bath slipping out of the ruined dress and undergarments, breathing deeply stepping into the tub the hot water burning your cold skin thawing you slowly. 'This is amazing, everything I thought it would be.' The water feels so welcoming hugging the shape of your body, slowly washing yourself reaching the cut shoulder wincing in pain cleaning the area thinking how stupid that little tantrum was. Lying flat sinking your head under the water submerging yourself longer than needed 'what does this mean for me and Kylo? Where do we go from here? His note said this is just a kind gesture, I wish it were more.' Finally rising catching your breath, after an hour or more reluctantly getting out of the bath towel wrapped around you, walking into his bedroom knowing he said he won't be back for a while stealing a pair of his briefs and a never worn night shirt. 'He won't even notice these are gone.'

Dressed walking to the right side of his bed before climbing under the sheets 'I just want to feel what it would be like to lay next to him.' Twirling his empty side with your fingers smelling traces of him, mind wondering to when he held you in his office his embrace so gentle yet firm a feeling you want to experience again. Before stopping yourself, falling fast asleep arm still placed on his side of the bed.