Serving the Commander

The glass room

Days now consist of tidying Kylo's room even though it remains unused and spotless, to wandering around the base looking for whatever you can to add to the lounge room. The occasional lunch shared with James not that you really have a choice he always just sort of shows up, tired of trying to fight it allowing him to sit with you the thoughts lingering that without his stubborn presence the last few weeks you may have lost your mind.

It's been three weeks since Kylo left without a word, you still haven't heard from him not sure how or why he would have tried contacting you however it still brings you down not knowing where he is, if he's okay or if he's thinking of you too. James laughs as he places his hand against yours snapping you back to reality, quickly pulling your hand out from under his "whoa chill out I didn't mean to touch a nerve you were lost in the clouds again I was trying to get you to remember the time we snuck out after hours wandering the streets before we found that abandoned hut. (Laughing) those were some good times weren't they, if I recall that's the night we tried that one thing." He says winking, cringing at the thought of it "yes I remember and yes it was that night but if I also remember correctly, wasn't that the same night you finished in less than two minutes hmmm?"

His face turns bright red before a twisting smile appears "well what do you expect from a guy, you had never done that to me before and you're just so sexy I couldn't contain myself. Truth be told if we did it again, we'd probably have the same outcome." He laughs, frowning your face 'well that backfired I was hoping to embarrass him into shutting up.' Scoffing standing up pushing your chair into the table hard before walking off in the background hearing him say "aw come on I was only joking with you, I mean there is truth behind it but I didn't mean to offend you." Not listening to him continuing walking out heading towards the lounge 'nothing else to do.'

Once there sneaking inside creeping past a crossing trooper, the room now completely cleaned top to bottom taking your time lighting each candle before sitting comfortably on the couch covering yourself with one of Kylo's heavy capes that you borrowed. Spending the rest of the afternoon into the evening reading more pages out of the journals, you've already gone through at least five of them 'this Ben guy has so much hope inside him and something seriously tragic happened and now everything you read is incredibly depressing.'

Every now and then you will see doodles drawn across the pages sometimes seeing drawings of butterflies and Wookiee's others you see messes of pages with dark faced figures surrounded by red and black inks, occasionally coming across scribbled words carved into the pages. Running your fingers along the indented ink whispering as you read them "loathe, attachment, abandonment, disappointment, conceal, affliction." 'Whoever wrote these seems so miserable why do I get the strong urge to try and help them?'

Continuing to read before too long nodding off on the couch, waking up to the sweet smell of Kylo eyes opening swiftly hoping to see him somewhere near you. Only to remember you were covered in his cloak knowing that is the smell, pulling it close to your face smelling it deeply saying "oh Kylo... I miss you so much... when will you return to me?" Looking out the window noticing it's now completely dark outside standing folding his cloak laying it gently across the arm of the couch before returning the journal to its spot, blowing out each candle before leaving the lounge heading towards your quarters.

Walking to your room turning the final corner to see James, grumbling thinking 'how is he everywhere!' He strides up to you "hey, what are you doing right now." Looking around shrugging "nothing I guess, I was just going to go back to my room for the night." He grabs your hand pulling you along "oh good your free then, I found this really cool section of the base and I wanted to show it to you." Half wanting to say no, deciding 'why not, I'm actually quite bored.' Feeling his hand grip around yours sends a quiver throughout your body "okay I'll go with you but don't ruin this moment."

His face lights up as he tugs you along, walking for quite a while in silence before he finally stops "we're here, come on." As he opens a door walking inside pausing for a moment the feeling of betrayal crosses your mind 'should I really be alone with him? Why not after all if Kylo really cared he would have made it a priority to communicate with you before leaving.' Inside you are met with a room completely surrounded by glass windows illuminating the moon lit planet watching the slow fall of snow before looking around, noticing it's empty besides a few old pillows tossed on the floor next to a candle lit tray of dinner and a full bottle of wine.

Looking up at James going to speak before he stops you "look, before you go please just humor me okay? I just want to talk I did not ask for the wine, but they brought it anyways, this room is beautiful, and it made me think of you, don't go just give me a few hours. Pretend you don't know me; I mean after all you really don't, I swear I've changed just let me show you... please." Your mind telling you to go but ignoring it walking towards the outlaid pillows "I guess one dinner won't hurt, but this doesn't mean I've forgiven you and we're just friends okay?" He smiles sitting down gesturing for you to sit "friends are better than enemy's, right?"

Spending the next hour or so reflecting on old memories the wine bottle now empty finding yourself blurting out the words "I just don't understand why you did it?" He looks at you confused "did what?" Giving him a dirty look "don't play stupid James you know exactly what I'm talking about, and if you don't let me clarify I'm talking about the time you fucked my roommate." He pauses for a long time before finally speaking "honestly, there really isn't a good excuse besides that it sort of just happened, but I swear she meant nothing and the whole time I was thinking of you." Snorting spouting the words "oh give me a break, are you serious right now? That's the lamest excuse in the book honestly just admit you found her more attractive and you wanted it."

Tears now filling your eyes as he immediately places his hand on your arm "no, you're wrong I didn't find her more attractive than you, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I know I messed up I've hated myself for it ever since, but I promise it meant nothing and only happened once." Tears streaming down your face flopping back onto the pillows looking up at the night sky watching the snowflakes fall against the glass ceiling you wanted so much to hate him to wish he was dead but you can't help but feel your heart flutter 'I never stopped loving him as hard as I tried, being placed here I never thought I'd have to see him again and now I see him every day he's bombarding my emotions.'

Suddenly feeling his hand brush across your abdomen, looking down seeing he is laid down next to you face looking down on yours his hand now slowly moving up before gently wiping away your tears. His deep voice "I know I've hurt you; I deserve nothing from you. If I could let you go I would but I still love you I alwa..." sitting up slightly pushing your hand against him "don't you dare say that to me, you don't love me if you did you would have never acted on tha.." before you can even finish speaking he presses his lips against yours.

Pulling away staring at his face the familiarity of it a place you once called home, a face you thought you'd stare at forever as a rush of emotions run through, without thinking cupping his face in your hands kissing him back. He responds by hovering over you his fiery hot lips caressing your own he pulls you tightly against his body, the two of you stay intertwined for a while body heat matched with intense lust warming the two of you up, forgetting how good his touch felt as he lays back breaking the connection if only momentarily but just enough time for images of Kylo to pop into your head.

Gasping pulling back sitting up, he looked at you confused "what, what's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Anger soaring through your veins spouting "why am I doing this? I'm seeing someone." Beginning to try and stand as he reaches for you pulling you back into him, lips meeting yours again, melting against his grasp beginning to kiss him back passionately before snapping out of it again "no James stop, If I do this I'm no better than you were. I won't do that to Ky.... him I can't." He sits up before harshly questioning "were you about to say Kylo? The commander, are you serious?" Standing fixing your shirt snapping "don't be ridiculous of course it's not the commander his name is... well it's none of your business but if you must know it's Kylen, don't follow me James."

Rushing out the room running back to your own, inside letting your emotions flow feeling every intense response letting yourself cry as you fall onto your bed. 'What they hell was that, what was I thinking? I can't believe I just let that happen, I know me and Kylo aren't official or anything, but I've been on the other side of cheating and I swore I'd never be the cheater.' The night lingers forever, mind endlessly racing, playing what happened over and over, heart longing for Kylo wanting nothing more than to see him, to hold him, whispering "you need to come back to me."