Serving the Commander

Loneliness amplified

The slow creeping darkness doesn't seem all that bad, knowing what lies beyond the threshold makes it way less scary than ever before 'of course I never planned on letting myself drown but the numbing feeling of the water was just too calming.' Just as it begins to become more difficult to stay submerged as the air in your lungs begs to be replace, the sudden sound of the plug pulling from the drain alerts your attention as both eyes fling open spotting the blurry figure of Kylo standing above the water using the force to drain it. Sprinting up gasping for air he stares at you with clear annoyance upon his face "do you have a death wish?" he scowls before retracting his hand and walking away grabbing the nearest towel then beginning to roughly dry himself off, finally catching your breath slowly standing out of the water watching his reflection in the mirror lock onto your wet figure "no...I...it just felt nice to block everything out. I am sorry I had not really realized how long I had been under...thank..." sharply cutting you off by spinning around tossing a towel in your direction "cover up, you are too...distracting. And quit acting like you are the victim in this situation, you brought this upon yourself."

Feeling the cold sting within his tone makes you crave the warmth of the water all over again, wrapping the towel around before stepping from the bath heading straight in his direction unable to control yourself letting both arms cling onto his frame feeling the warm wetness of his chest press along your cheek. Instantly he tenses again while quickly trying to push you away, gripping tighter begging "please Kylo please don't let go I can't..." tears begin to fall trickling down your cheeks onto his skin rolling down the shape of his torso. Momentarily he stops pushing away before slowly breathing in deeply, followed by the low hot release of breath that flows just across your shoulder, softly his hand glides up around your waist wrapping you into his embrace squeezes tightly allowing the slight tremble of his figure to be known. Gently kissing his chest letting your lips linger with each press while hugging tighter around, tenderly reaching for something upon the countertop before feeling the hard bristles of a hairbrush trailing down your scalp.

Letting him slowly brush out the tangles is the most intimate moment shared between you in nearly two days, fighting back the urge to cry again instead just resting back on his chest feeling the warmth radiate from his body to yours. Once satisfied setting the brush back down before pulling back releasing your grip around him, standing tall looking down into your sad eyes brushing a few fingers along your cheek before softly sliding them along your lips. Reaching your own hand up cupping his strong jaw into your palm rubbing gently upon his face, this gesture makes him lightly flinch before stepping back completely "wait please don't pull away..." you beg buts it's no use Kylo fully releases your figure before walking out of the bathroom leaving you cold and alone yet again.

After a few seconds of collecting yourself before marching into the bedroom demanding him to communicate, snapping "why are you treating me like this?!" Not even stopping the slow dressing of his night garments harshly replying, "Treating you like what?" scoffing while striding towards him "like you don't like me? Like I am a burden, like you've stopped loving me!" The last part strikes a nerve as he visibly tenses before spinning around staring down at you "don't you get it (y/n)? You are lucky I have allowed you to remain within my presence at all, if I did not love you do you think I'd let you still be in here? I am hurt (y/n)! I feel...betrayed...again. You were supposed to be the one I could trust, the only one!" Breaking down, the flow of tears falls again "you can trust me!" You scream but it's immediately silenced by his own shout "yeah I thought I could! But you hid something vital from me! You protected that...scum...again! You are supposed to be on my side! On our side! How can I allow myself to love you if the threat of losing you constantly lingers because of your stupid mistakes?!"

Stepping back instantly feeling as if you could faint "so you're saying you don't love me anymore? Because I showed...compassion? Something you clearly have no concept of!" Suddenly the loud slamming of his fist upon the dresser top fills the room followed by a deep pained growling knowing the wounds lining his knuckles split back open "I've hidden you because I love you! That creep could still be hiding within these walls, waiting to take you away from me all because of your...compassion! Is that what you want? Do you want to see what would happen if I did not care at all? For fucks sake (y/n) I can't lose you too!"