Serving the Commander

Only me

The sound of the metal hatch slamming shut echoes throughout the room Kylo remains unbothered as silence fills the air again, standing still watching him. His arms outstretched palms pressed firmly against the ledge of his windowsill as he stares out into the night, gulping setting the journal by the door before walking forward slowly each step watching as his body jerks to the sound of your shoes tapping across the marble floor stopping first in the bathroom running his water a feeling of sadness flows over you while pouring the familiar oils into the tub.

Now making your way into the bedroom reaching the side of his bed scared to make another sound gently pulling the covers back slowly moving to the other side neatly matching it pressing firmly, turning around towards the door bumping into the dresser, the friction causing a lamp to tip over falling towards the floor. Lunging forward trying to catch it before it shatters against the floor feeling it slip just between your grasp the loud sound of glass breaking suffocates the silence, quickly bending over picking up the pieces "I'm sorry I tried to catch it I will get you a new vas... ouch!" Distracted by trying to explain, picking up a shard the wrong way, the glass sticking deep into your palm blood pooling around it dripping down onto the tile.

As if the only thing he heard was your cry of pain before knowing it he's standing directly in front of you the outline of his body blurring his muffled voice "(y/n) are you okay, that's pretty deep give me your hand.... whoa don't fall, (y/n) look at me open your eyes..." the last thing you see is his arms reaching for you before everything turns black. Coming to seeing Kylo above, his eyes laced with anxiety his soothing voice bringing you further out of the darkness "it's okay, you're okay you passed out but I caught you, you've cut your hand pretty badly will you allow me to bandage it?" Looking down at your hand the glass still sticking out blood staining his pants now noticing he's holding you against him on his lap, the sight of the blood mixed with his scent bringing you back into the dizziness.

"Don't look at it just let me help you." Closing your eyes nodding feeling him shuffling before hearing a ripping sound, he grasps your hand raising it feeling a tugging followed by the intense sting of the open wound letting out a whimper "I know it hurts but I have to wrap it to stop the bleeding." He wraps a cloth around your hand pulling it tight, knowing the gash is covered opening your eyes to see him staring at you, his own bloodshot and circled with dark rings 'has he slept at all.' You wonder glancing down at your hand noticing the cloth he used was a piece torn from his own cloak, sitting up sliding out of his lap leaning back against his bed still a little dizzy "thank you for not letting me fall... and thank you for wrapping my hand, blood always makes me a little queasy."

He sits beside you leaning against the bed also, staring at the wall before speaking "that's what you do for people you care about... you don't just let them get hurt." His words spoken with such sadness bringing you to tears "why did you leave me Kylo...I had no idea where you were if you were alive or dead I suffered everyday worrying about you far into the night I even dreamed about you hurt and bleeding. You abandoned me without a word..." long silence passes before he speaks "I didn't abandon you (y/n) Snoke made me leave in the dead of night I had no choice I told Hux to inform everyone and somehow miraculously you were the only one left out of the message. (Y/n) I suffered daily for you too, not a moment went by that I did not think of you. I was hurt I was bleeding I could have easily given up right then allowing myself to let go but your voice kept telling me to keep fighting to come back to you I could hear it clear as you speaking now. So, I did... and I was met with you half-dressed confessing the involvement with someone else. So, don't dare say I abandoned you when you clearly did the abandoning."

His words intertwined with pain and anger "I know I'm sorry Kylo I don't know how it happened it just did... I was so alone, and he was there, he was always there somehow always around me. I was a mess when you were gone and he picked me back up... had I know you were coming ba.." he stops you harsh tone "what, you wouldn't have fucked him?" Darting your head to face him "excuse me?" Still facing the wall, he says "that's what you were doing when I saw you last night, don't have to try and hide it, clothes ripped makeup smeared. I know that look I've been the cause of it many times." Ignoring his last remark knowing he's just trying to hurt you "I don't owe you any explanation but just so you're aware we weren't fucking, he was trying and the moment I saw your ship I stopped him. I stopped for you Kylo, you ignorant ass..." standing up as he looks at you his face carrying a painful emotion lips pressing together as if he's going to speak but doesn't.

Wobbling towards the door opening the hatch leaving hearing his doors open behind you the sound of his boots marching towards you "stop don't go (y/n)." Turning facing him "I am going, you don't want me here besides, I need to go to the medical ward." He watches for a moment finally saying "I do want you here, I've always wanted you here. It's you who doesn't want to be with me now that you've got him..." Heart racing every inch of you wanted to run back to him, shaken voice saying "it's not that simple Kylo.... me and James are official now and I will not cheat... I can't... he doesn't hide me he doesn't cut me off constantly he actually wants me." His face frowns "I want you; I need you; I won't let this happen you will come back to me. He is not right for you I can read him he does not have good intentions... he does not want you he wants to own you. I do want you (y/n) I never stopped wanting you, all I can think about is you... just you." Heart breaking in two his magnetizing aurora entrancing you, not giving in stepping back saying "I can't Ky.... commander I can't do this right now..." before turning and running away.