Unarmed

Chapter 25

Lucas' POV

"Hey," I say as soon as Chantelle and I make eye contact. I'm just about finished with folding my clothes and was not at all expecting to run into her. But I'm thankful she's here. This might be the only opportunity I have to talk to her.

"Hi," she says, setting her hamper on the ground. The world stands still as the two of us stand in the laundry room. I suddenly forget everything I've been wanting to say to her.

She takes a deep breath and I do too.

"Can we talk?" I finally say.

"Yeah," she replies. "Let me just put these in the wash."

I nod then go find a couple chairs in the back corner of the laundry room. A few minutes later, Chantelle joins me. We sit facing each other, neither of us speaking yet.

"I guess I can start by apologizing," Chantelle says, her voice shaky. "I shouldn't have avoided you for so long. In all honesty, I was just so lost and confused in my feelings."

"I understand and I don't blame you. I'm sorry for blowing up your phone. I just.... I needed to hear from you."

Chantelle nods then looks down. Time passes painfully slow as we both struggle with finding the correct words to say. This is what I've been wanting so badly and now I'm at a loss for words.

When Chantelle looks up again, her eyes are full of tears. I reach for her hands but she pulls them into herself and wraps her arms around her waist.

"I loved you Lucas." She begins to cry and it's a heavy-gut wrenching cry. I want to hold her but I know that's not what she wants in this moment. "I still love you Lucas. That's what makes this all so hard. I wanted a future with you. I was looking forward to a future with you. But every time I try and play out that future in my mind, I'm reminded of Darrell Williams. He's gone. His life is gone. And you took that away from him and his family." She buries her face in her hands as she begins to sob. "That could have been my brother, my dad, my uncle... any one of my friends."

I begin to sob too. I became a police officer because I wanted to help people, to protect people. Instead I've become part of this country's biggest problem. I shot and killed an unarmed black man. Hell, he was a kid. The weight of that sits on my chest.

Chantelle and I sit like this for what feels like an eternity, both of us crying. Crying over the death of Darrell but also the fate of our relationship.

"I don't know what more there is for me to say," Chantelle finally says. "I think it's fair to say that this is the end of our relationship."

I nod my head slowly as I try and dry my face with the back of my hand. She's right. It is fair to say that this is the end of our relationship. After hearing what she had to say, I can't believe I even thought that us getting back together was an option.

"Yeah," I finally say out loud. My voice is raspy and probably not much louder than a whisper. "I'm sorry. To you. To Darrell. To everyone. This should have never happened."

Chantelle looks at me and nods. "Yeah. Unfortunately sorry isn't going to bring him back but I'm glad you recognize the gravity of this. It's life changing." She dries her face with the back of her sleeves.

"I'm moving to California," I suddenly blurt out. It had only been an idea up until today and one that I was hoping to incorporate her in. But given the circumstances, a fresh start in California is exactly what I need.

"Oh," Chantelle says. Her face is sad but that's also the look she's had since she first walked into the laundry room. "When are you leaving?"

"I'm not sure," I say. "Probably before the month is over."

Her eyes water but she slowly nods her head. "Okay," she whispers. She begins to cry again and this time I reach for her. Her body relaxes into mine as we embrace each other. This will probably be the last time we share a moment like this.

"I'll miss you," Chantelle says, pulling back. She wipes her face once again. I can tell she's holding back all that she wants to say but I don't want to push her. This is already a fragile time.

"I'll miss you too. A lot."

We both sit there as silence fills the space but neither one of us wanting to leave.

"I think my clothes might be done," she finally says. She stands up and I do too.

"So this is goodbye?" I prompt. I want somewhat of a solid ending.

"Yeah," she whispers. Water fills her eyes as she wraps her arms around my neck. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her in tight. I hate to believe that this is our last moment together. We hold each other tight before she finally pulls away.

"Take care of yourself Lucas." She pecks me lightly on the lips before walking back over to the washing machines.

I scoop up my folded laundry then make my way to the door. Before leaving, I take one last glance behind me to see Chantelle doubled over the washing machine. She's absolutely sobbing but trying to keep quiet. I want to turn back. To hold her. To tell her everything is going to be okay.

But what happened, happened. Chantelle made her choice and the only thing I can do is respect it. I walk out of the laundry room with my heart broken and my spirits low.

I wish I could unpull that trigger. Everything would be so different.

—-
Author's Note 5/19/2020

Thanks for reading everyone! I hate to leave you all hanging but this may be the last update for awhile. I am finishing up my nursing negree this summer and have some pretty big tests coming up, including my licensure (yay!!). I will try and update as I can but this is just a little forewarning. My apologies in advance. Please stay safe and healthy. ❤️