Acumen: Riddling Life

Acumen? (17)

Acumen:

The ability to understand and reason... keenness and depth of perception, discernment or discrimination, extrasensory perception in practical matters. The ability to understand things... things with deeper meaning. But mainly the ability to understand and reason accordingly in a particular domain, as I like to call it, scholarly studies.

What if it can also mean the ability to understand why people do what they do, how to accept it, and how to move forward for your own good.

After we left the rooftop, I spent hours in my room, replaying Adrien's words until it felt like I was being suffocated in the room.

I found my way back to here, the rooftop. In fact, I dared to place my seat closer to the ledge.

Looking at the view in front of me, I find myself thinking about the word Acumen, wondering if it could describe me.

I don't know how my chain of thoughts reached this specific point and word, but it somehow did.

I wonder if I actually am... engineering acumen? Or maybe I'm a science or logic acumen.

I wish there was an accurate enough test to confirm all these sorts of things.

I focus on the beautiful skyline, the blue of the sky mixing with the blue of the lake, leaving a blended horizon behind with the Jet d'Eau standing in the middle.

The sun is starting to set, it's only a matter of minutes until complete darkness envelops this side of the world... if it wasn't for light and electricity.

I still can't decide if I prefer sunset or sunrise. They're both beautiful in their own ways, choosing one would mean being unfair to the other.

The lights in different buildings are coming to life.

Life... death... Jaceon's death... my life.

I wish I had died that night.

I wish it was possible to swap lives. I'm pretty sure we were both at the same hospital that night, just in different wards.

Jaceon died because of me.

That is clear as a day, even in the midst of this pink and yellow sky with a setting sun.

No one would have noticed my death. Mom, dad, and Theo would've gotten used to it by a month, or maybe less.

Most importantly I didn't have to live this misery of a life.

I inhale sharply and press my beck to the chair, drawing my legs up. I hug my knees and try to focus on other things.

I put my chin on my knees, trying to push away those thoughts.

Adrien did the right thing... by telling me all of that. At least now I know I was at fault without realizing it.

I deserved being bullied and hated.

I still do.

I wish I was a different person.

A better person.

I wish things could change.

What if things were different? What if I had acted differently. Surely things would've been different. I don't dare to imagine how much though. I know I can't handle that.

But still... after everything, I wonder how Adrien manages not to hate me like before?

Can things like this be forgiven?