Acumen: Riddling Life

(52) Pain and lost

I bet if I hadn't accepted dying, I would have drowned. But since I embraced it, against all odds, here I am, sitting on a bed, not able to draw a single breath without feeling the awful pain across my rib cage.

Ironic.

I hate pain. It's the singular thing that I despise more than anything and the funny part is, it's the only thing I can't seem to get rid of. It's an inseparable part of my life.

I inhale a slow deep breath and groan, I can't even move properly. With careful motions I slide myself on the bed, pressing my back to the headboard, and shut my eyes.

It's been only twenty-four hours, first Jeffry tried to kiss me, then Adrien kissed me, and for the bigger part of the day I've been ignored, my parents are again disappointed and on top of everything, Sophia pushed me into the sea.

Can it get worse than this? Statistically, it's impossible, but it's goddamn life.

I press the heels of my hands to my eyes. I want to cry and scream in frustration and no one is giving me space and everything is just too much.

Arianna and Adrien need to learn from Dylan. The dude is the most chill guy I've seen. Someone who knows what giving space means.

I push my hands through my hair, maybe I'm being an ungrateful bitch. But I don't understand why Adrien and Arianna were making it such a big deal, I hardly threw Arianna out of the room.

But the annoyance and irritation aside, Arianna was a mess. I never thought I would see her cry. Over me.

And Adrien looked like he had seen a ghost or was turning into one.

I wonder how he found me in the pitch black of the sea, it must have been very unlikely to be found...

I furrow my brows, why am I annoyed? Adrien just saved my life, I have to be grateful. What is wrong with me?

Right! Now I remember, I can't fucking breathe!

I would have rather him not finding me instead of being doomed to inhaling and exhaling with a tremendous amount of pain for at least two weeks. Clutching both sides of my waist, I breathe in and out slowly.

My first semester back in college resurfaces in my memories. The night of my first midterm exam, my ulcers had hit full force and I couldn't breathe because the pain had spread to my back and chest and the anxiety of messing up my exam was growing with every passing second, not helping. And I laid in my bed, crying and contemplating overdosing because the pain was too much and I didn't want to ruin my exam.

I bite my bottom lip to hold myself from giggling. I'm quite dramatic when it comes to pain. I guess it explains why I'm so pissy.

And I hope it has nothing to do with the fact that I was so ready to die.

I wonder what Theo would have thought of that. I mean if I had died. I can't help but imagine different scenarios where Mom, Dad, and Theo find out about me falling off the yacht and drowning. Their reactions, their thoughts. The whole setup of the funeral and the people showing up. The guests will probably be my parents' friends and colleagues and Theo's close friends. Maybe Arianna too. I wonder if Avery would assume I threw myself off only to become the center of attention.

I shake my head in an attempt to rid myself of these poisonous thoughts. I had been doing well in the past few days, why did my progress evaporate?

Slowly, I sigh and glance around the room. My eyes linger on my suitcase, I frown. Can it be possible that I have brought painkillers? I hardly use them thanks to my very non-efficient working stomach.