24: Shattered

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Your POV

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Your POV

I can feel the heat from his back pressing into my sleeping bag. I stare at the foot of my parents bed, wide awake. We're back to back but I've never felt further from him. It's like he's completely removed from the room. Yet at the same time my heart has never raced faster when near him.

I don't understand why Jimin kissed me. I know he doesn't like me. That's simply impossible. So what happened in the cellar? It doesn't make sense, I mean Jimin so rarely does make sense but even this is out of the norm. I'm completely clueless. I can't wrap my head around it. It physically feels as though the cogs in my brain have stopped working and yet at the same time it's as though they've never worked harder. Never worked harder to decipher the enigma that is Park Jimin. My eyes won't close. I can't sleep. All I can do is stare at the blanket and attempt to force my brain off the subject of the wine cellar scenario.

I feel as though I've been awake for hours. I glance at my phone that I've only been lying here for twenty minutes. Why can't time go faster? I need the hustle and bustle of daytime to pull me from my spiralling thoughts. Whenever I close my eyes I relive that moment vividly. I can perfectly picture his face closing in and the feeling of his plump lips on mine and how good kissing felt. It wasn't good to be kissing him. But I'm sure Jimin knows well enough on how to execute a kiss properly. I can recall at least two girlfriends he's had before. Both were short lived relationships but I don't take Jimin as the conservative boyfriend type. It wasn't because it felt good to be kissing Jimin. Jimin simply was skilled. Even the memory of our lips touching makes me shudder. Like kissing your brother but even worse.

I recall that peaceful moment that I'd shared with Cheol on the second floor balcony. The moment where I'd imagined kissing Cheol. The moment that I thought without a doubt that I'd give my first kiss to Cheol. And now the honour has been taken by his careless, younger brother.
I bury my face in my pillow and scream silently into it's fluffy depths.
What do I do?
Should I really be this worried?
Is this stress complete overkill?

I must have dropped off eventually because I peel my eyes open and I'm mer with a milky light that filters in through the blinds. My eyes are so sore and my eyelids feel so heavy. I yawn and stretch my legs and torso as best as I can while lying down.
Hmm, what's this heavy feeling in my chest?
Why was I so bothered yesterd-
The sensation of skilled lips against mine comes slinking back into the centre of my memory. I squeeze my eyes shut as though that alone could erase the memory. How could I forget? Even for one second, that moment was too traumatic. I crawl out of my sleeping bag and feverishly avoid the sight of Jimin's face. I don't know if I'd feel sick or if my stomach would summersault again but either way I'm too scared to find out which. I dress in the bathroom and walk to the door. I pointedly avoid stealing in shoes that belong to Jimin and instead slip my feet into my own sneakers. I need to get walking, get some blood pumping to my brain so that I can think of a better way to deal with my emotions rather than being paralysed by them. Judging by how chilly the air is, it's quite early. Maybe five or six AM.

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