Turning The Page

Twenty Four

"Wait... You two have really never been apart? Like to even to go to the bathroom?" The way Cricket is staring at me from across the table, our plates piled high with the selections that had been set out for the mandated Get To Know Eachother brunch still sitting completely untouched as we discuss our current dilemma, makes me feel like maybe I should be ashamed of how attached I feel to Silas... My sweet but anxious mate tugging me closer in his arms, my place on his lap not an uncommon sight in the dining room this morning, some of the other Luna's choosing their own respective thrones with glee, Aurie being one of them, Cricket currently swatting Harper's hands away from his waist every time his poor mate tries to pull him onto his own lap.

"Once... On the first day, Daddy went potty without me and I panicked... We meant to try and work on it but..." We had thought I had been pregnant and when the test came back negative I couldn't stomach the thought of being away from him with how thoroughly the sadness and self-consciousness had consumed me... And then my hormones had gone wonky and I haven't been able to be more than a  few short steps from my man with how intensely I feel the need to touch him, "We could never find the time."

Today I don't hesitate calling Daddy the name we both prefer to label him as, partly because my friends had caught it when it had been said yesterday, but also because there is such extraordinary comfort in the word for both of us... It makes us feel closer to each other, and none of the shifters sitting with us have batted an eyelash at it this morning. I hadn't needed to explain the reason behind it, and the blushing between all us had stopped after the second or third time it had slipped from my lips. 

...

Silas

...

"Can you please fucking stop?!" I don't mean to snap at the tiny Luna across the table from us, but I can't fucking focus with Harper being pouty over having his affection rejected... Though I know it isn't my place to try and tell either one of them what to do I can't help but squirm with each failed advance with how hypervigilant I already feel after the failed attempt last night to get Kelvin to see the sense in letting my Princess stay with me... I know it doesn't excuse my outward aggression, especially with how hard Cricket flinches... 

But at the moment I'm too wound up to figure out how to apologize and actually mean it properly... Not that I won't do it later, most likely in the hall or somewhere more separated from the group where I can let my very high walls at the moment down for a few seconds to express that I didn't mean to drop dominance in front of the slight Bean. 

He hadn't cared one bit when we had tried to explain, just kept insisting that he doesn't make the rules and that it's too late to change the schedule with everyone having already arrived and been on the receiving end of the current schedule. Bastard. 

It's not like anyone would actually tell the council that a single Luna wasn't where he was scheduled to be due to the anxiety currently crushing both us so completely... I don't think I've ever had a panic attack before, but last night it had felt like I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs to stay standing, and Collin had practically had to drag me back down to mine and Addy's room so I could lay down, a facecloth soaked through with icy water put on my chest under my mate's careful care to try and cool off my overstimulation... With that and the added coping skills my stunning Luna had walked me though, all of them learned through getting therapy for his own anxiety, I was almost okay when we had finally gone to bed... But now my nerves are back and on display, the manners I had somehow been able to access after finding my sweet Bean escaping me and reverting me right back to the asshat behavior I had been so infamous for before finding my sweet Luna and allowing him to temper the restlessness of my spirit. 

...

Adrian

...

"I think it's kind of sweet that you two can't separate... Your mate should be someone you want to be with all the time... If Aurie didn't have to travel for school and work I'd have him in my lap at all times." Lukas's smile is gentle as he gives Aurie a moment to seek out Cricket's hand to give him a squeeze and remind him that Silas's words aren't personal... That his frustration isn't actually geared toward any of them, it's just presenting itself that way.  Despite not knowing of Daddy's genetic difference from the rest of us my friends are champs at taking Silas's words and actions with a grain of salt right now until we figure out how to circumnavigate the need for us to be separated, an apology text having warned them of the stressful situation after I had finally gotten my strong Daddy to fall asleep last night, something that had not been an easy feat with how badly seeing him so stressed out enough to make me want to cry. 

It had been hard to keep my bottom lip from trembling the whole time trying to walk him through his first panic attack when I think we had both assumed it would be me who felt like the entire world was sitting on his chest... I don't think either of us realized just how deep Silas's own attachment to me really went until he was faced with the reality of having to face literally all of his peers without me there to nuzzle into his neck and remind him to be nice... And while it moves my very soul that he really does feel the same way about me as I do him, it crushes me to see him so strung out and agitated, not even able to pretend like he's interested in anything other than crushing me against his chest like he thinks someone's going to try and snatch me away from him.