Turning The Page

Forty Seven

"So let us all remember... There are times... There are times where the treaties do not outline a proper reaction, and in order to save our families from harm, we must do harm... There are bad men, but there are also good men who have to perform bad actions in order to do the right thing... And those good men then have to accept the consequences of said actions and do so with grace... So thank you, to Alpha Olivera for wearing the haircut he earned to prevent his brother's life from being lost with dignity, and let us all remember the inches he lost protecting an innocent and honor them by making sure that we ourselves behave so that no one else must bow their heads and accept punishment for having to save someone from our grasp... All of that being said, the bounty on the elder Olivera is still current. If any of you hear anything on his whereabouts, we ask that you turn the information over to me or the council instead of acting on it yourselves... Believe me, none of us have forgotten what he did, but even he is entitled to a fair trial before receiving punishment." Alic barely pauses when we enter the room, though his eyes do scan over us in a way that still continues to make me feel extremely uncomfortable, to the point where I almost don't register his actual words... And I can't help but turn my head after slipping my ass into the chair next to a very somber looking Lukas to observe a stoic Harper, the only Olivera that I know of in the room due to his introduction to us the other morning... 

I hadn't given a second thought to how short his hair is compared to everyone else's... No one else seemed to even notice... Not a single person so far that I've seen him interact with has shunned him or even been rude... It actually seemed like a majority of them were happy to give him plenty of space and respect now that I think back over the moments that I was actually able to focus on something other than the sweet Bean cuddled up in my lap still hiccuping and wiping his eyes while working through the emotions of his drop. I don't drop my eyes when Harper meets them, but I also don't feel the need to challenge the look he gives me with anything other than respect before turning my attention back to my sweet future Mama as Alic moves on from the speech that had likely been sprouting from his mouth in order to bide enough time for Collin to fetch us, the look of discomfort in Lukas and Harper's faces telling me that they hadn't been aware of the subject matter before our oh so great Leader had gone down the rabbit hole of haircuts and whatever drama had unfolded around the Olivera family. 

...

Adrian

...

It's not exactly where I wish we were at the moment, but even here in the conference room, I know Daddy's got me... And even though he hadn't given me his knot he's still holding me now, and he'll keep holding me no matter what... I can cling to him and pull in as much of his scent as I possibly can in order to try and surface from the intense swirling of emotion currently tearing its way through my body and mind... 

Being here right now with all of the other Alpha's feels like it's too much for me to handle, but I'm more than welcome to hide myself away in the feel of Daddy wrapped around me, the way he's keeping me cradled against his chest doing wonders to help me tread the waves crashing around in my mind... 

It's so strange how quickly my anxiety can overwhelm me when I come crashing down from the clouds Daddy so lovingly places me on... It's so shocking the things my own mind can come up to taunt me with... The way my own brain seems to think its right to tell me that Silas didn't knot me because he doesn't want me anymore...That he doesn't really want us to have a baby... I know that the little voice in the back of my head is wrong... I know that Silas loves me, and cherishes me, and is absolutely ready to start our family, and possibly therapy with me so that we can both work on our anxiety together in case we ever find ourselves engulfed in this kind of stress again... I know he'll arrange for it if I ask, and that he'll do it and put actual effort into it for the sake of our family being a healthy one without a fuss because he trusts me and knows I wouldn't ask for it if I didn't think it might help the both of us cope with extreme situations like this one a bit better... 

I don't want our little nugget to grow up thinking that there is anything wrong with going to therapy or nurturing mental health because there isn't... That it's perfectly normal and acceptable to seek help when you find that you need it... And my big strong mate I know will absolutely back me up on it raising our pups because he never wants them to end up being like his Dad, especially if they end up with the Timber gene, a fear that he's expressed a few times to me... That they'll end up feeling just as overwhelmed by other people as he is... So... Yes... Therapy...

I know therapy is an odd thought to cling to, but just like Daddy's scent, it seems to act like a buoy for me to steady myself on to help keep myself afloat... Therapy could maybe help me with my drops...And help Daddy with his peopling... Because there will be times where sucking him off beforehand isn't an option... It would just generally help with overall well being and that thought is comforting to me... That there is a light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully it'll come with a comfy couch and an office desk that has a candy jar on it always filled with something whimsical like jellybeans or after dinner mints, but only the pink ones or something like that... And it might need to happen sooner than we think with the warning on the label of my anxiety medication listing it as a medication that should not be taken when pregnant or nursing... A situation I'm desperately hoping to find myself in at the end of the week.