Turning The Page

Thirty Six

"No pills. There has to be a different way of handling this, like maybe something to just ease up the worst of it during the day so we can manage the mandatory shitshow Kelvin's organized." Levi is looking at the two of us like I've grown a second head and Adrian's turned purple, but unless he has a mate he won't ever be able to understand... To both of us... Family... Is more important than our titles and it always will be, and we are more than ready to start one... Even if it means starting one here so far from home. 

"I'm not sure what I can do... I would have suggested the pills even if the conference wasn't going on. If the heat is bad enough to make him faint even after trying to relieve it for a few hours his body might not respond to much else." Levi doesn't seem to be trying to upset either of us, and he seems genuinely distraught over jump-starting my sweet Princess's tears as he lets me cuddle him to bits on the bed, Levi himself sitting back in the chair he had pulled up beside us in order to carry out this conversation with more ease.

"Can you look into it? Please?" I try and keep my voice even for Adrian's sake, my hand on his back rubbing wide circles to try and soothe some of the ache that has built up in his heart over this situation, "Stopping his heat isn't an option."

The doctor never gets a chance to answer us, Becky knocking at the door demanding to be let in promising that she has something that will make things better at least for a little while... And when Levi takes it upon himself to answer the door so we don't have to get up... It ends up being true, a tiny toddling Noah holding her hand as they walk into the room, the toddler's face lighting up at the same time as Adrian's does. It takes all but two seconds for my mate to wiggle his way out of my lap only to snatch up his favorite nephew and blow watery raspberries that make Noah shriek on his cheeks before walking the little Bean out of the bedroom part of our suit in favor of curling up with him on the couch. The pajamas Addy has on makes the two of them look quite the cozy scene as my Sweetheart makes himself at home crooning silly phrases to coax Noah into giggling so that his nearly broken heart can feel just a little bit better, his Mama instincts showing. 

...

Adrian

...

I can't take the conversation... I just can't... Hearing Dr.Levi say that he would recommend that I take the pills even if there wasn't any kind of other treatment to soothe my heat instead of stopping it makes me so sick to my stomach, the thought of my heat being so bad that I would need to skip it heartbreaking in the very worst way... I would rather just leave and never look back than force myself to try and be okay with putting this off... 

I just can't imagine putting off our family for something we don't even want to be at. It would be one thing if we were super attached to the role of Alpha and Luna, but I know all too well that if Silas had had his way he would have never been Alpha in the first place, and I had never expected to be a Luna in the first place... I've never even had the chance to warm up to any of the duties that are supposed to go along with the title because we've been wrapped around each other playing house all month long. 

I would much rather hole up in this suite all week long and pretend that the rest of the world doesn't exist... And having Noah here to cuddle and laugh at every silly face I can think of certainly helps melt away the anxiety that is cropping up around the thought of waiting even longer to meet my own Bean for the sake of staying on the good side of the other Alphas and the treaty that binds us all so closely together... I can't say I would ever imagine a scenario where being able to hold Noah's tiny little fist in my own wouldn't make me feel just a tiny bit better, the sweet almost two-year-old already showing signs of his spunky personality, something he likely inherited from Becky. 

I don't have to focus on anything other than making this tiny Bean happy and hope that it serves as good practice for when I have my own little nugget, my trust that Silas will absolutely have my back when it comes on insisting to both Dr.Levi and Dr.Paxton that we know that it's inconvenient not to listen to their recommendation on skipping this heat, but that we want to do it anyway. I can trust that he won't agree to anything that would take away the choice that I've made and that I can let myself zone out and play with our nephew with Becky settled in on the couch next to us to join in on the lighthearted fun so Noah doesn't get too fussy, ever the mama's boy needing her close just like I was with my own Mom. 

I know that I'm adding to his stress by insisting that I can't skip this... Not just for the sake of having a baby, but also for my mental health and wellbeing because it would absolutely send me over the edge heartbreak-wise... But I also know that Silas won't ever hold this against me... Not when he himself has been looking forward to starting our family together too... And from what I've seen in his head as he keeps himself partially opened up to help give me as much comfort as I can get my heat kicking into high gear now only serves to turn this more into a honeymoon than he was already thinking of it in his head to try and make the conference itself easier to stomach, and that it's not necessarily a bad thing to not put it off... And as I give in to the urge to pull Noah in for a giant hug, his bubbles of laughter and broken toddler sentences pulling the corners of my mouth into a real smile, I catch Silas looking at the three of us with a look on his face that I've never seen before, his eyes so soft in this moment that I can meet them without hesitation... The image I'm greeted with when I tug on the edge of his mind one that makes my heart melt... Because right now as I cuddle Noah to feel better... He's imagining the same thing I was... 

Me as a Mommy.