The Light is Coming | Kylo Ren

Chapter XX

Kylo's heart was thudding against his chest, free from its ill lit cell he kept it trapped in for so long. The feeling of freedom to feel something so pure was foreign to him. It was almost brand new. A sudden sensation filled his veins the moment his lips had met Chi's own. He didn't think—or maybe he had—but he went for it. He knew he felt something more for Chi and it wasn't the connection.

The commander only knew a life of repressing feelings, of only allowing anger and hate flow to become his stronger self—and he believed it.

But then the princess came into his life and he didn't know peace... or maybe he finally did? The conflict within him only grew worse; Chi was consuming his mind, body, and soul without trying. And it wasn't just because of their shared bond. There was something about her... The moment he first encountered her sparked something within him. And with every following encounter, he grew more and more curious.

Then the dreams came and he knew there was something more between them. Never had he felt this sort of connection with anyone else that subconsciously let them in. He knew he was no good man, not a man worthy of Chi's heart. However, he wanted it. The selfish man he was wanted it all, everything she had—because he had never felt anything quite like it. Not in the years since his turn.

With every passing second of the kiss, he realized just how good accepting these feelings would be for him. Maybe this would give him the strength he needed? Maybe this would give him the power he desired?

It was clear he didn't truly understand what he was feeling, deep down, but in that very moment... he felt safe. He felt unstoppable. He felt wanted and he felt free.

Separating himself from the kiss, Kylo leaned his forehead against Chi's as the two stayed there. Catching their breaths as Chi's tears had died down, Kylo brought his hands up to her cheek and wiped her tears before she broke the silence, "why do you allow Snoke to rule you? You deserve to be free... like how you feel now..."

Sucking in a deep breath, Kylo kept his eyes shut as his forehead stayed where it was. "I struggled all my life with a haunting voice inside of my head. A voice that only grew stronger the older I had become..." Kylo confessed as Chi felt a shiver run down her spine, thinking about the voice in hers. "Snoke had been feeding me lies and empty promises that I had fallen for... I was promised freedom and power but I was only trapped. All I know is to release that inner turmoil and anger through war."

Swallowing, Chi felt her heart flutter as she held onto his wrists. "I hear a voice in my head..."

Instantly lifting his forehead from hers, Kylo looked deep into her blue-green eyes as they had pooled with tears. The endless flow not seeming to stop, especially not after her confession. "Back when we trained together... I had attacked you that way because the— the voice in my head... wanted me to kill you," her voice cracked, falling into a whisper as she looked down in shame. "It is not a feeling I am familiar with. I have never, ever wanted anyone's death before. No one. Not even with this war. I have been angry, yes... but murder? I could never."

Furrowing his eyebrows as he felt concern suddenly fill his heart, Kylo whispered, "Chi, how long has this been happening?"

Blinking away her tears, Chi sucked in a deep breath, "since we first met... since my abilities awoken..." Biting her inner lip, Chi tried to steady her shaky voice, "every time I hear it, I'm so— terrified. It only wants darkness and pain... It wants me to kill and cause chaos. It wants me to kill you— to murder you for what you've done and I— I can't—" whimpering as her breath hitched, Kylo's hands slid into hers as he sat her down with him on the ground of the ship.

Kylo wiped her tears, eyeing her and wondering if it had been Snoke in her head. If it was his own fault for opening her up to him after their first interaction. But Snoke had never mentioned Chi... he had only mentioned the scavenger and rogue stormtrooper. "I promise you... I will not allow the darkness to consume you. Even if I trigger it..."