Ludic Selcouth #1: Cracked Beat

Hit #18

Our finals week finally arrived. Dagsa na ang projects, paperworks at presentations na dapat naming gawin. Iʼm on the verge of cramming but I can still handle it, I think...

Ang hirap dahil kulang ako sa tulog palagi. Kapag out ko na sa LUCCUS ay hindi muna ako natutulog at pipiliing gagawin muna ang ibang paperworks pagdating sa unit. Si Tase na ang madalas naglalagi sa unit. Heʼll always pick me up at 12 am and drive me home.

The class clapped after our group presentation. Dismissal na rin iyon kaya dali-dali akong nagligpit ng gamit at dumiretso sa coffee shop na pagkikitaan namin ni Signy. Weʼre going to review together.

Nang makapasok sa coffee shop ay agad kong natanaw si Signy na naka-upo mag-isa habang nakatutok sa laptop niya. I sighed heavily before sitting beside her. This is so stressful.

“Thatʼs deep. Kaya pa?” she asked and I just nodded. Bitch, never give up.

Umorder muna ako ng frappucino bago bumalik sa table at naglabas na rin ng laptop. We were both busy doing our own stuffs when my phone suddenly vibrated. Tiningnan ko iyon at nakitang tumatawag si mama.

I answered it immediately. “Ma?”

All I can hear is her heavy panting. I started to get nervous. “Ma? Napatawag ka? Are you okay?”

“Z–zemira... medyo naninikip ang dibdib k–ko,” she said, almost struggling. I swallowed and started arranging my stuffs. Nakita kong napalingon na sa ʼkin si Signy pero patuloy akong nagligpit.

“Donʼt panic okay? Huminga ka nang malalim. Uuwi na ako, wag mong papatayin ang tawag.” last week, we visited her doctor. Mamaʼs body can immediately take the surgery. Sheʼs just 48. The thing is, we will be needing a half million for her surgery. Sobra akong namroblema dahil don. Umabot naman sa savings namin pero siguradong mamumulubi kami pagkatapos. Mama almost didnʼt want to accept the surgery. But as the time passes by, sheʼs slowly suffering from the symptoms.

Nag-usap na sila ni Tita Hada. Manghihingi lang kami ng tulong kapag hindi umabot ang pera sa savings namin. But it did. Iyon nga lang ay halos sakto lang. But still, mama wonʼt let them help financially anymore. I understand her, sobrang laki na ng utang na loob namin sa kanila.

“Sig, I need to go. May emergency lang sa unit.” agad din siyang nataranta.

“What happened? Si Tita Mira ba? Iʼll go with you.” I shook my head. She canʼt, madami rin siyang gagawin.

“Itʼs fine, Signy. Medyo naninikip lang ang dibdib but sheʼll be fine. Uuwi lang ako para mabantayan siya.”

“Are you sure?” I immediately nodded.

“Okay then... call me if you need some help. Take care.” bineso ko muna siya bago nagmamadaling umalis ng coffee shop. Habang nasa sasakyan ay on-going pa rin ang call at mayaʼt-maya kong kinukumusta ang nararamdaman ni mama.

“Ma, ano nang nararamdaman mo?” Iʼm so nervous. Halos araw-araw nang nagyayari sa kaniya to.

“A–ayos lang, medyo h–hindi lang ako makahinga.” my eyes started to water. Nagsasabay-sabay na ang mga problema. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin.

“Malapit na ako, ma. Just... just keep on doing your breathing exercise.” lumunok ako at mariing pumikit.

Dali-dali akong umakyat sa unit nang makapagbayad sa cab. Iʼm almost running because of fear. Naglalaro sa utak ko na baka pagpasok ko sa unit ay nakahundasay na lang si mama. No, no. I canʼt take that. Hindi ko kaya... The only thing thatʼs still keeping me sane is her heavy breathing that Iʼm hearing right now. That means she is still conscious.