Ludic Selcouth #1: Cracked Beat

Hit #31

Shit... Why did I say that?

Iʼll be there at 11?!

Natauhan lang ako nang mamatay ang tawag at natulala na lang sa hangin. Bakit ba sinabi ko 'yon? I was out of my mind! I canʼt go there! But Prada wonʼt buy it. Kapag hindi ako sumulpot mamaya ay talagang siya ang hihila sa 'kin pabalik sa ECB. Stupid! Stupid Zemira!

Marahan kong inuntog ang ulo sa steering wheel at marahas na bumuga ng hangin. Great. Now, I wouldnʼt really have a choice but to face them. Ikaw 'tong nagsasabi na ayaw mo pa silang makita tapos sinabi mong pupunta ka mamayang 11? Stupid! I continued nagging at myself until I get tired.

Miserable kong sinulyapan ang wristwatch na suot at nakitang 9 pm pa lang. I still have two hours. Pwede namang magpanggap na lang ako na masakit ang tyan mamaya. Pero shit, nasabi ko na ngang babalik ako ng 11!Tapos na kaya si Lucien sa photoshoot niya by 11 pm? But he must be really tired at that hour already.

Problemado akong nag-drive paalis sa bar. Ayokong umuwi sa bahay ni Lucien, wala rin naman akong gagawin at mas lalo lang akong kakabahan.

Where to go? Where to go...

Something tinged inside my head. To Lucienʼs set. I just hope that they will let me in. Bahala na. Itinigil ko muna ang sasakyan sa gilid ng daan at kinuha ang cellphone. I dialed Lucienʼs number. Sa unang tawag ay walang sumagot. Sinubukan ko ulit at kapag hindi niya talaga sinagot, it means heʼs very busy and I canʼt just go there.

“Zemi?” napabuga ako ng hangin.

“Architect, I have a problem...” namomroblema kong sabi.

“What is it? Are you fine?” he asked, worried.

“Kasama nila Prada si... si...” kinagat ko ang labi at hinilot ang sintido.

“Who?”

“Si Zath at... Tase..” he fell silent. Mas lalo lang akong kinakabahan!

“What happened? Did you already meet them again?”

“No... Hindi ako pumasok... I said that I suddenly feel constipated.” bahagya siyang napatawa sa sinabi ko.

“Donʼt laugh! Wala na akong ibang maisip na dahilan!”

“Then why are you still problematic if you finally got away?”

“Prada wants me to go back at 11, and I said yes...” ani ko at napangiwi. It was like a spur of the moment, when she confirmed that Tase is there (and probably with Dalla), the words just completely slipped out of my tongue. Wala naman akong dapat na patunayan!

“Oh engineer, what have you done?” nang-iinis niyang sabi kaya wala sa sariling ginulo ko ang buhok. This is so frustrating.

“What will I do, Lucien? Can I go to your set for now? I donʼt want to go home...” I sighed heavily.

“Sure, Zemi. Iʼll just inform my team to let you in. Donʼt think too much now... Iʼll try if I can be with you later.” bahagya akong kumalma dahil doʼn.

“Thank you, architect... Iʼm on my way now.”

Nang mamatay ang tawag ay agad akong nagmaneho papunta sa set nila Lucien. Iʼm still feeling a bit tensed while on the road. Iʼm doomed. Really doomed.

But then I think of something. Why am I acting like this? I thought Iʼve already moved on? I thought Iʼm fine now? So what if Iʼll see them? Basically, it should be nothing for me! I just have to act casual... Kung pare-pareho naman na kaming naka-move-on, dapat wala na lang 'diba? Hindi na dapat ako apektado. But yes, Iʼm still guilty, and Iʼm ready to say sorry even if I just did it because of Dallaʼs sake. For her sake... Ako 'yung nagparaya... Pero mukhang ako na lang din ang nakakaramdam ng ganito. Mukha namang okay na sila... okay na si Tase...