I'll Smile When You Speak

Chapter 15

Song of the Day: Plane vs. Tank vs. Submarine by Tigers Jaw

Odette's POV:

"I would love to Mark, but I can't go with you." I said, sadly. He moved a bit away from me to stare at my face, and frowned confused.

"Why not?" He asked. Looking for an answer in my eyes. I looked away and sighed before closing my eyes.

"I'm sorry, but I promised myself after I ran away from Steven that I wouldn't rely on anyone and that I would put my own life before anyone else's." I said, I didn't want to look at him, for fear of him getting mad at me. But I promised myself, besides, I was going to get really busy with my book and doing signings and etc, so I couldn't stay away for such a long time, even if I couldn't bare to be away from Mark.

"Ode, look at me." He said calmly. I slowly opened my eyes to peek up at him. He looked disappointed and heart broken and I felt guilty.

"Do you... Are you- are you okay with us being so far away from each other for such a long time? Because I sure as hell aren't." He struggled with the words. He let me go and left my side. Standing up.

"Mark, of course I'm not. But you have to understand... I- I have my own career. I'll be busy and I already have a lot of things planned and I can't do them while I'm away. I thought you of all people would understand. Me not wanting to go doesn't mean I won't miss you. You know I love you..." I said, standing up as well. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with frustration.

"Odette, baby, I understand. But, I wanted you to come, the tour is important to me and I wanted-" I interrupted him.

"So you're saying my book isn't as important as your tour? What's are you even saying? I thought you supported my career! I'm-I'm not going to follow you around for everything, Mark. I had already told you this before, I've done it before and I'm not doing it again!" I was mad, he had just showed me just how much he thought of my book.

"Come on, you know I'm sorry that happened to you. But I thought you freaking trusted me! I'm nothing like Steven ever was! I'm not asking you to follow me around but can't you lean on me a little bit more?! I've been trying to make you happy, I don't ever treat you badly-"

"So you think that gives you the fucking right to just assume I'll follow you around like a lost puppy?! I'm an adult, Mark, I'm my own person. I'm going to fucking miss you and it will probably be hell without you but I'm not giving up my career for you!" I yelled.

"Shut up! I just wanted you to go with me! Get over it, don't come if you want! Jesus Christ! You can't just fucking get over Steven can you!? You keep comparing me to him! He's done, I'm here now, so stop fucking comparing me to him and get over it!" He yelled back, I flinched and a tear ran down my face. I was infuriated.

"How fucking. dare. you? You think I don't want to get over what he did to me?! You think I compare you to him on purpose?! I know you're nothing like he ever was! You're so much better, or at least I thought you were. But I can't stop, okay?! I can't help it! I'm constantly reminded of what he did to me every single fucking day. Just by looking at myself in the mirror. I have scars that won't let me forget. I can't ever forget and I thought you understood that, I thought you loved me besides all this. I trusted you would understand my pain and that you wanted to protect me. You fucking promised..." I was crying by now, his face faultered and he looked sad, and walked up to me. I pushed him away.

"No, don't you fucking touch me. You promised, and I let my guards down, I thought I could trust you... but I guess I thought wrong. I knew this would happen, I should have never-"