I'll Smile When You Speak

Chapter 19

Song of the Day: Holding On to You by Twenty One Pilots

Mark's POV:

Angelica and I were sitting on the couch, my hands frustratingly holding my head. Angelica went to their old apartment and found out Steven had been kicked out and after coming to get me and looking around the area and asking for her, we had no luck. We had decided to look for her again tomorrow and wait until the police called or anything, since Angelica had declared everything she knew about Steven, every single little thing she could think of.

I was frustrated, and anxious, I just hoped and prayed to everything I could pray to that she was okay. That she was still alive. I had to find her and hold her in my arms and make everything better no matter what and apologize and kiss her and make her feel the love she deserves. I sighed again and I saw Angelica stand up and head to the kitchen while I was still thinking of a place she could be.

After a while, she came back and sat near me and rubbed my shoulder comfortingly, I turned to her and met her slightly puffy red eyes, she had been crying for a while, because she knew what Steven was capable of. She looked down and I saw she was handing me a cup of tea. I grabbed it and despite everything, smiled a little with gratitude. I sipped on it while I looked away.

"Mark, don't lose hope, we'll definitely find her, we have to." I looked at her and smiled hopefully. She got a call and we both instantly went for it, but I was faster and answered the phone urgently.

"Hello?" I asked, what if they found her?

"Ange, baby, you there? Mark?" I heard Pontious's voice and sighed disappointed. I gave her the phone and she looked at me worriedly, then answered. I stood up and went upstairs, to my Ode's room. I felt discouraged, what if we found her when it was too late? Was it already too late the moment she went missing? I sighed and switched on the lights, I looked around and inhaled, her room always had her sweet, comforting scent, I had missed it.

I looked towards her bed and saw one of my shirts. I went to sit on it and grabbed it, it was wrinkled and kind of damp. I realized it smelled like her as well. I wondered if... no. No, she couldn't. She said she didn't want me anymore and I thought she hated me. But then, why did it smell so much like her, like she had been holding on to it everyday? Could it be she missed me too, as much as I did her? I could only hope.

I layed down on her pillows and buried my head into one of them, it smelled like her and it comforted me because it felt like I had a part of myself back again, it felt like I had been missing this part of me for years or like the same feeling of when you finally come back home after being away for such a long time. But it wasn't the same, it wasn't as warm, it wasn't her. But for now, it was enough. Enough to fill my mind with a little ease, to fool my consciousness to believe I was with her again and it made me cling onto hope that my love will be with me again, cuddled into me while I watched her fall asleep and inhaled her scent and played with her hair, to hear her voice in the morning and see her smile again.

I cried a little, it felt like a release of all the hatred and longing and sadness I had held inside for far too long, drowning those feelings with the sweet freedom of alcohol and soothing of a cigarette. I only slept for a little though and woke up with a slight headache and urgency to go and find her.

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Odette's POV:

I opened my sleep-deprived eyes. Even if they were closed, I hadn't slept all night and it felt like it had been forever since this had happened, all those feelings of self-hatred and hatred towards Steven and that feeling of numbness that I knew far too well were coming back, like they never actually left me, they just didn't have the opportunity to come back and now, they were more than happy to be back. In some sort of twisted way, it felt like I had missed these feelings, maybe it was because with them, I couldn't actually get hurt, the walls that surrounded me protected me from caring over anything that could hurt me severely, like it had happened when I met Mark. I realized that I liked better things and left them down and let myself forget that this was my real life.