I'll Smile When You Speak

Chapter 21

Song of the Day: Waste by Foster the People

Odette's POV:

I heard the door click open and I turned to see Mark walk in again and I looked down. I didn't deserve him. He was too good for somone broken like me, it was better if I didn't say anything, as I would only hurt him and get hurt back, so I just wasn't going to speak, I was unable to anyway, my body felt tired and I felt like I wasn't really there, I felt numb but at the same time my body felt heavy and it hurt all over, like how it was some years ago.

"Do you want me to help you sit up?" He asked, I missed his voice, I felt like a bitch for ever breaking up with him and hurting him as much as I had, again, I didn't deserve his love. I nodded slowly so my head wouldn't hurt so much. He wrapped his hands around my ribs and I bit my lip because of the bruises.

"I'm sorry, am I hurting you?" he asked, about to let go before I shook my head. He put the pillow on my back and I slowly leaned into it, I could feel where Steven had stabbed me, right below my left shoulder blade, it could have pierced my lungs or heart or something, thank God that coward hadn't pushed hard enough, or I would have died. But then again, it would have probably been better that way, as I would have been rid of him once and for all.

"Steven got sent to jail after getting shot. You're safe now." I turned to look at him, he seemed to have been staring at me for a while. I honestly doubted that he was gone, he would find a way to hurt me. I looked down again, I didn't want to look into his eyes, as mine held no emotion. I was aware of them, but I couldn't help it, I felt dead, broken and used. So I would avoid looking directly into his eyes, to spare him the hurt, as I loved him too much to hurt again.

"I was scared, you know? I thought- I wouldn't see you again, that maybe it would be too late. But thankfully, Angelica had Steven's car license plate number and we found it, helping us get you. Odette, I don't know what I would have done if we hadn't made it in time, I need you." He said, I looked up through my eyelashes and saw a tear roll down his cheek and I reached out to grab his hand involuntarily, wincing at the pain. He looked back at me and I looked away again, biting at my already cut lip, making it worse.

"Stop doing that, look at me." He said, I did nothing and was about to pull my hand away but he squeezed it.

"Odette, please look at me, I love you. So, so much, and if I don't ever see your eyes again I think I might die of sadness. Please. I know you still love me too." He said. I looked at him, his eyes looked sad and conflicted. Like they were looking for something, something that indicated I loved him too. But I couldn't do anything, I loved him with all my heart and my messed up body, but I couldn't change right now, because even if I loved him, my mind wouldn't let me show it, for stupid fear and numbness. I couldn't even squeeze back because of how weak and heavy I felt.

So I put my fingers intertwined with his, even when my mind told me it was a bad idea, even if my walls were still up, I still wanted him to know I needed him too, even if I didn't deserve him.

He looked at me and tried to smile sweetly and he seemed grateful. I tried a small smile and he rose our intertwined hands and kissed mine sweetly.

"Ode, I know you don't feel like talking right now, but I want you to know that I will properly protect you now. I don't want to leave you and I will help you fix yourself because I want to hear you speak to me again and sing your little heart out when you feel like it and I want to hear you greet me with a 'Good morning.' I will fix us so we can go back to being okay and loving each other like before." He said, blushing slightly and I felt my heart beat a little bit faster and I felt slightly happier.

"Hello. Sorry for intruding, I just wanted to check on something again." I looked up to see the doctor and I let go of Mark's hand, he looked upset. She was checking the machine and writing on her clipboard in silence, it almost drove me crazy, but I just stared at her, she glanced up.