Broken

Chapter 1

I checked myself in the mirror one last time. I had managed to tame my long brown hair into a straight and sleek style. Luckily my best friend Sarah had been over to do my make up so I had the smoky eye look that I knew Ben liked. I still felt awkward with what I was wearing though even though Sarah assured me I looked great. I'd gone for a black lace detail dress, classic but still sexy I hoped! And the heels I had borrowed were really starting to pinch my poor toes. But with one last glance I thought I was finally ready. I smiled to myself whilst checking my watch yet again. Ten minutes late on our two year anniversary, this was so unlike him. I walked across my flat and picked up my phone from the kitchen counter to see I had a text from Sarah.

'Good luck babe! You look fab as always! I hope Ben spoils you rotten! Which he should as he so doesn't deserve you! Me and Jake will see you tomorrow! Love you xxx'

I smiled. My best friend since college definitely knew how to calm me down. I was so nervous about tonight but I had no idea why. The fact that I hadn't seen Ben for over a week didn't help things either! I decided to ring Sarah to see if she could help calm my nerves.

*ring ring*

"Hey? Why are you calling?! You should be gone by now" She answered

"I know but he hasn't turned up yet'' I whispered starting to worry

''Are you being serious?! If he's fucking you around again, I swear to god I won't be responsible for my actions babe!'' I could sense how angry Sarah was by the tone of her voice. She hated the fact I was still with Ben.

I groaned ''I wish you would stop bringing that up. He cheated on me once and I forgave him remember?''

''We only knew of the once though, we don't really know how many times as you agreed when you forgave him that you didn't want to know!'' I cringed realising that had been stupid of me but I just didn't want to know all the gory details of his betrayal.

''I know I know but I love him Sarah'' I whispered

I heard her sigh at the other end of the phone ''I know babe. How late is he now?''

I looked again at my watch ''Twenty minutes and twenty three seconds''

''I can't believe he's doing this to you! You haven't seen him for a week cos he went on that stupid lad's trip where he refused to ring you whilst he was there. He's a knob! I'm sorry babe but he is!''

I was about to answer when I heard a knock at the door ''Hang on I think he's here. I'll call you later ok?''

''Yeah let me know what his lame excuse was! Bye darl. Love you''

''Love you too'' I put down the phone and braced myself to answer the door ''Coming'' I called

I smoothed down my dress and walked over to the door and opened it to see Ben stood there looking a mess. He wasn't even dressed to go out to the restaurant I booked. His hair was ruffled and his face was unshaven. His eyes which usually sparkled looked sullen. He smelt of alcohol and looked like he was wearing last night's clothes.

''Ben what the fuck?'' I asked looking him up and down.

Ben rolled his eyes at me ''Don't start Amy. Just let me in we need to talk''

I stood aside and let him walk past me. I could feel myself beginning to shake. This wasn't the Ben I knew and loved. There was no kiss no hug and I hadn't seen him for over a week. Hadn't he missed me at all? I closed the door behind me and went to sit down in the lounge with him. He was sat on the sofa and when I sat down next to him he moved away onto the armchair. I could feel myself beginning to shake.

''What's going on Ben?'' I whispered, trying to control my voice and not wanting to know the answer.

Ben seemed to shift around in his seat and his eyes focused on what was going on outside the window. He couldn't even look at me! He rubbed his hands together and started talking ''I've fucked up Amy. Really bad. I don't even know where to begin to be honest." Ben risked a glance at me and then quickly went back to looking out the window. "I guess I have to start with I don't love you anymore and I haven't for a while. But I could never find the words to end things with you. Everyone has always hated us being together and that's always been hard for me! Even my friends would say you were too good for me! You've always wanted more than me and I just can't give you that. So on holiday I cheated on you, a lot of times and I'm sorry but I don't regret it. So now everyone can tell you I told you so but I really don't care anymore Amy. I stopped caring a long time ago''

He couldn't even look at me as he said all this. My heart was beating like a steam train and I found I could hardly breathe. A lone tear trickled down my face.I felt disgusted. This was the guy I had pictured marrying? What the hell was I thinking?! He didn't even care about me as he told me all this, he just admitted so himself! The last 2 years had been a big fat LIE.

I gripped the arm of the sofa, took a deep breath and started my speech ''You wanker. You absolute wanker! I gave you a second chance after you begged me to forgive you! All that crap about loving me and how I was the only one for you?! After you said all that crap about one day getting married and having children! You're a waste of space Ben Matthews. You're a complete twat and I can't believe I've wasted 2 years of my life with you! You're a cunt and I want you to get the hell out of my flat right now before I do something I'm really going to regret!'' I screamed at him. I'd never been so angry in my whole life. 

He stood up and looked over at me ''I deserve that Amy trust me I do. I did love you in the beginning though but things just changed. We changed''

I walked up to him and slapped him hard across the face. My hand stung but I didn't care, I wanted him to feel like I felt. He just touched his cheek where I had slapped and looked down at me watching as I spoke ''You deserve that?! Oh my god, you really don't fucking care do you? Trust me I'm the best thing that ever happened to you! You were a complete screw up when I met you but I gave you the chance to change but you've just proved everyone right! Just go now! Just go fuck off!'' I shoved him hard in the chest. I was hysterically crying by this point and I just wanted him to get the hell away from me right now.

''I did care in the beginning Amy.'' He sighed ''Just chuck whatever stuff I've left here ok?'' He turned and left the flat.

''Like I want to keep your crap Ben?!'' I screamed at him as I stood watching his back leave my flat, shutting the door behind him and then all I remember is breaking down on my lounge floor feeling like I had been completely crushed from every angle. My heart had shattered into a million pieces over this guy? Everyone had said he was wrong for me but I wanted to be the girl to change him. I wanted to be the one who would change his life but he had changed mine now. I was broken. Irreparable. Smashed. Ruined. Destroyed and I had no idea how to come back from this........

Chapter dedicated to cortness for finding me the song for this chapter :)