Jacksepticeye And Nalia (Jacksepticeye X OC)

Chapter 14: Fear

I woke up in almost the same position I fell asleep in. The difference was my body stretched out more. I could feel Seán's body still next to mine. I shift onto my back. Seán's eyes didn't open but he spoke. "Top o' morning." He shifts a little but doesn't really move much. 

I feel his hand rest on my thigh. He starts to rub back and forth. I try to get closer to Seán. He smiles and finally opens his eyes. I turn my head toward him. He yawns. He just looks at me. 

I sigh and start to move away. Seán grabs my hand. "Stay." 

"I have to pee."

He shakes his head. "I guess that's allowed." 

I slide off the bed. I walk around the bed towards the master bathroom. I could feel Seán's eyes on me. I was walking through the door but then I stop. I could feel it. My brain kind of went fuzzy and my body felt light as a feather. I grab the door frame to keep myself steady. "Nalia." Seán's voice was like a whisper to me. I could barely hear anything over my fast heart rate. I slowly make my way over to the toilet and sit down. I put my head between knees to keep myself from throwing up. I cough a few times. I could feel myself breath faster.

Now I really felt sick. The fast breathing was making me feel worst. I slide off the toilet and rest my head on the seat. I start breathing out my mouth hoping it would help. I do something I hate. I stick my finger down my throat. I gag and cough several times. I could feel tears starting to form. Panic was starting to set in. I'm just staring into the toilet crying, trying to take deep breaths.

"Nalia." I felt a hand on my back. "Sweetheart. Look at me." I turn and try to see him through my tears. My eyes stung and my entire body felt weak. 

For one moment I was able to Seán clearly. That just made me more upset. I started crying harder. "Seán," I say in between deep breaths. "I'm scared." Seán brings me into his chest. He didn't try to talk to me. He just held me. He let me cry it out. I don't even know how long I sat there with him.

I finally calmed down. Seán let me use the bathroom and was sitting on the edge of the bed when I came out. I sat down next to him. 

"Are you ok?" Seán asks. 

"Yeah." I look at our feet. "Just kind of tired again." 

"What the hell happen?" 

I give him a summary of my medical problems. He continues to ask me questions. "Ok so the beginning sounds like a syncope episode, but what about the last part?" 

"Well, it turned into a panic attack since I wasn't able to calm myself down quick enough." I look at my watch. "How long was I in there for?" 

"An hour." Seán is twirling his thumbs. "Nalia, I saw you shove your finger in your mouth." 

I freeze. Anytime I try to make myself puke, I feel guilty afterwards. I can't believe I do it but it makes me feel better when I puke. I haven't talked to anyone about it. "I feel better after I throw up." 

Seán turns to me and takes my hands in his. "It fucking scared me. I couldn't believe how scared you were and I could not do a single thing. Just please do not force yourself to do something. That is too much stress of your body."

A few more tears fall. "I know. I'm ashamed that I do it but I get so scared just waiting to see if I vomit. Sometimes it's too much." 

"Does it just make you anxious?" Seán thinks for a second. "I know you said you are on antidepressants, but do you do anything to relax?"

"The way I relax is by watching tv, playing video games or reading." I stare at our hands. I just can't look at him. 

"Exercise is probably going to help you more." Seán's hands are making my hands sweat. "I know you have heard it before because all doctors try and make us get more exercise. That aside though, what do you need me to do for you now?"

I take my hands back and rub both my eyes. I also wiped away any remaining tears. "I'm just really tired. I think I'll need to stay in bed today." I get up and stand in front of him. I still don't look at his face. "I'll go back to my dorm so you can focus today."

Seán put a finger under my chin and lifted my head up. I now saw the worry in his face. He shook his head. "Nalia, you can stay here. I don't feel comfortable letting you go back on your own. I do have some recording to do but if your sleeping you won't make noise." I try to protest. "Nalia, let me help you."

He takes my hand and leads me to the side of the bed. He kisses my hand and let's go. He picks up the blanket and motions for me to lay under them. I climb in and rest my head on the pillow. Seán kisses my forehead and walks out of the room. 

I stare at the ceiling for maybe five minutes. Sleep consumed me.