Regrets That Were Once Made

Chapter 20 ~ It runs in the family

14th of April 1795

~Frederick's pov~

My lungs felt heavy, I opened my eyes slightly hoping everything that had just happened had been a nightmare. I looked around the room I was laying in and gazed at the bare wooden ceiling. I sat up quickly and looked around even closer, the silence of the room closing around me.

I looked for any sign of a window but was left with a small door to my left and a bare wall to my right. I pulled off the blanket that was draped around me and swung my legs around. My bare feet pushed against the creaking wood and I felt myself lose balance. I quickly held onto the bed, realising where I was.

I was on a ship headed back home.

My knees felt almost too weak for me to stand. I quickly scattered back onto my bed. It felt all too familiar. In fact, this whole trip had felt all too familiar. The faces I saw, the places I went and the voices I heard. All were so reminiscent of a time I couldn't remember.

A time I wish I knew about.

I was worried about William and Samuel. What could've happened to them? Whatever it was I wanted them to be safe. I had always been loved and cherished by my family but something about affection from them made me smile. Maybe it was the fact that it felt real? Because I knew very well that they didn't have to care or like me.

But they did. They showed me, an enemy, kindness. It wasn't the fake compliments and ass-kissing from the stuck up nobility. It was genuine thought and compassion. And that is why I didn't want to leave.

I knew too well that once I left America my return to England would be met with responsibility. I was the heir you see, and I had to marry and produce an heir for the kingdom. I never liked my eventual fate but that was what everyone before had to do, some with more enthusiasm like my father.

But this wasn't the life I wanted. I didn't want to sound ungrateful but I just wanted to see the world. Have fun and learn all that there was to know.

Some men spend years grasping around for power. The ruthless and unsanctioned violence they use to have control over others. They use this society and people for their own benefit and leave the weak to die. And when the weak complain they use the information they find corrupting it in all too familiar words to make the masses seem unworthy. Power was never a blessing for the common people, it was a curse upon any leader and their sanity.

And I didn't want to have any role in continuing this game of deception. But now I had no choice, it was burdened upon me ever since I was conceived. I never really liked my father and this trip made my feelings stronger. I was never like him, he was always so happy and could be cruel to people with a smile. But I couldn't even look Oscar in the eye when he was about to kill me.

I knew full well that he was my biological father. But that doesn't always mean I'll care or like him. In fact, my family was notorious for hating the firstborn son and yet we were expected to praise our father's like gods.

They say blood is thicker than water but you don't get to choose who you're related to. The bonds and trusts you make on your own terms should be the strongest. I may be related to my father but the people I really care about are the ones who I became friends with. Samuel, William, Felix, Hanna, Mr Hamilton and everyone else.

Of course, I didn't hate my family, but none of it felt wanted. Everything felt as if it was forced upon all of us. Our title was a burden we had to uphold. I would have to rule, my sister and brother would have to marry for my father's own personal game.

I want to stay in America and forget about my responsibilities. Not a care in the world of what others think of me. Me, and maybe even June could live together peacefully and have a family together. And my children wouldn't have to chain of power binding them from their own ambitions. They'd get to grow up being a person, not a puppet.

Live in the countryside, near the woods and bordering a peaceful lake. Spending our time not worrying about power or money. Just smiling and enjoying what life had to offer.

I wish that was what I was destined to be but it wasn't. Every person before and after me would have to go through this. The bloodline of people who will never get to have a choice. The children who's name will be praised and sung until they are fully responsible. It was the eternal cycle of power that is passed on like an heirloom.

Whether you think this system is flawed or not, change will come one day. Maybe not in my lifetime but surely one day. A day where you can choose what you want to be, it doesn't matter what you are you can be what you most desire.

And I would like to say I'm looking forward to that day.

The day were I can stop caring.