Trusting You

Letting Go

RUE'S POV

Blake meant it when he said he'd be with me every step of the way. Despite the fact that he had a lot to catch up on in school, he still always found time to either go with me to therapy or pick me up after. I feared that he would've missed the deadline for applications to the colleges he wanted but apparently everyone knew about the whole ordeal so instead of having to apply, most colleges just granted him admission. He was most happy when he got the admission to NYC and it was mostly because of his excellence in sports. Their words not mine.

But Blake wasn't fully happy yet. I can see it in his eyes. Everything that happened still haunts him. He still says it everyday that he wished that he was there for me sooner. I think that's why he's doing this whole therapy thing, to try and make up for what happened. I hate that he has to go through the guilt all by himself but I know, sooner or later, he'd be over it.

"I think there are alot of things you hold in. Things you don't want to address, things you don't want to get back to, things you feel are too painful", my therapist, Kate said. "You have to let go, Rue. To move on, to stop the nightmares, you have to release the demons. Let them go and then, you'll finally be at peace with yourself", her words rang in my ears as I walked up to Blake, who was standing by his locker talking to Tyler. "I'm going to Noah's funeral", I said immediately I reached them. They looked at me stunned

If I have to let go then I have to do it the right way.

We stopped in front of the gate of the graveyard and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. "Ready?", He asked. I smiled and nodded, "Yeah". We got down from the car and walked into the graveyard.

"Rue!?", Noah's mum exclaimed. I smiled sadly as I went forward and hugged her. "I'm so sorry my dear", she said as tears dropped from her eyes. "There's nothing for you to apologize for Mrs Disick", I said. She cleaned the tears from her eyes, "Is your mother here?". I shook my head, "No actually I came to... Uh.. i". She placed her hand on my shoulder and nodded before gesturing towards Noah's grave.

I walked up to it slowly, Blake by my side. I stared at his grave,

NOAH DISICK (2001-2020)

The words blurred in my eyes as tears fell. I covered my mouth and wept before cleaning my tears.

"Noah, I'm here to say goodbye"

Just then, the lights came on and there were purple balloons and strings everywhere, there was a guy playing a guitar and some of Noah's friends videoing. Standing in the middle end of the room was Noah with a big smile on his face and a writing at the top of his head that read "Will you go out with me?". I covered my mouth with my hands as Bri nudged me forward. I walked up to Noah and punched his arm lightly, "You didn't have to do this". "So what's your answer", he smiled down at me. "Yes", I squealed as he leaned in and kissed me.

"To say that, I forgive you for everything and I don't hold anything against you"

We finally got to the door of my room and when Sam opened the door and they both screamed "Surprise!!!".  I gasped. Right there, sitting on my bed was none other than the guy whose hoodie I was wearing,

Noah

"To say that, I'll never forget you. Cause you were my first boyfriend and first lover. Yeah, you hurt me but who doesn't? Life's full of hurt and love and pain and joy so who am I to hold it against you"

What?", I asked amusingly. "Do you know since when I've been looking for that hoodie?! So you had it all along?". He shot his hands up in frustration, "I let you have any of my hoodies and you take this one? My favourite one?". I chuckled before I climbed on the bed straddling him. "Your favourite hoodie for your favourite person right?". He pulled me closer till our bodies were practically moulded. "Who said you're my favourite person?", He smirked resting his head on my chest. I rose his chin up and kissed him before pulling back and looking into his eyes, "I'm gonna act like I didn't hear that".

"You'll always be a major part of my life and a major part of my story but I'm doing this so when I think of you in the future, I don't have to feel pain over what you did. So that the only pain I would feel, is losing a friend"

"How did you find this? I know I lost it a while back". He wrapped his hand around mine again still smiling brightly, "I may or may not have gone to your house to snoop around your room". I burst into laughter and hit his shoulder lightly. He's so cute sometimes. "let's go make some memories!", He pulled me and started running. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm here because I have to let you go Noah. So that I can have peace of mind, so I can be able to sleep at night and so I can love fully again", I said as I held Blake's hand.

"Come on Rue, are you just going to keep standing there?", He ran into the water. Definitely not. I quickly took off my top and jeans and put on my bathing suit. I ran into the water to join Noah who quickly picked me up swirling me around. I laughed loudly, yelling at him to put me down.

"I promise you that I won't hate you for what happened. I forgive you so you can be happy wherever you are. I'll miss my friend turn lover turn kidnapper", I chuckled. "You wanted us to travel far away and be together forever. I'm sorry your dream didn't happen but I hope you pray for me everyday that mine will", I look into Blake's eyes before looking back at the grave.

"Just Us", he mumbled in between the kissing. I pulled back and smiled, "Just Us". We sat there staring at the sunset and drinking more wine.

"I'll miss you and I'll forever remember you but it's time to let go. Goodbye Noah", I said as I cleaned my tears. I said goodbye to Noah's mum and left silently. I was able to hold myself till I got to the car. Right there, in the bitter silence, I let it all out. I clung on to Blake and cried my eyes out before I finally stopped.

We drove back in silence and immediately we got to the apartment, I went straight to the room. No one bothered to disturb me because they understood. I was grieving my friend. Noah did terrible things but he was still my friend.

I spoke to Jules and asked her how everyone was doing. She said they were coping well and that I should just take care of myself.

I laid in silence as the door opened and closed. The weight on the bed increased and he laid on the bed and wrapped his hands around me. Little tears started falling out again but he didn't say a word. He just wiped my tears and kissed my forehead.

There, we laid, in the dark, in each other's arms.

I let my last tear drop...

I was done. I'm letting go.

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