Life's a rollercoster

14.

-Hi.
-Hi Eva. Did you read the files?
-Yeah...
-...and came back?
-Yeah. Although I must say...well. Story of 4 people at least
-Most od them my fault.
-No. Not really. That's what you think.
-Yeah.
-Are you ready to start therapy? That wont be easy
-I know. Im ready. I want to get my daughter back. Even if Courtney- my wife- wont see me again I still want to be present in Ava's life.
-Let me dim the light a bit ok?
-Will you lit the candles- Speed laughed.
-No. Not that kind oftherapy Tim -she smiled
-Sorry. Sometimes my jokes seem improper.
-No. I have a sense od humour, dont worry.
-How long have you been married?
-Over a year
-And your daughter is?
-8 months
-Was your wife pregnant then?
-Yes.
-Did you get married bcs of the baby?
-Yes. No. I truly loved her. We were engaged and then...we separated. She didnt tell me she was pregnant. I found out by accident when I was trying to go on with my life.
-Did you still love her?
-Yeah. But I was terrified to be a father
-Did you tell her before you got engaged you dónt want children?
-My wife is much younger. I knew she will want to have kids and I loved her very much so I was ready to give her one when the time comes.
-Sounds....
-...awful? I know. But that's true.
-Why didnt you want kids?
-Do we have to...
-...yes.
-Ok. I had an awful childhood. Me and my brother grew up in an awful family and I thought I cannot love a Child.
-Do you accept your daughter?
-Yes. I love her with all my heart.
-Why did you split up?.... Tim?
-I... Distanced myself.
-Why?
-I dont know.
-Any other reason?
-I almost cheated on her.
-Why almost?
-Someone stopped me. Not myself. Someone else. I would have done IT. .
-Was she hurt?
-I guess We made love and I thought it was going the right way and then she left
-When did you make up?
-When I went to see her if she's ok cause someone asked me to.
-And?
-Found out she's pregnant. After a while we decided to get married. All looked well.
-What happened?
-I cheated again. But she married me anyway. Im faithful since then. I love her very much. I love Ava. I want to be part od their life.
-Why did you cheat? Is your sex life boring?
-No. I dont know why. I dont event know why the girls wanted me.
-Were they hookers?
-No. One of them was my colleague, the other was very close to me before I met my wife. She saved me once.
- Ok. Leave all that aside.
What would you change if you could Pick one thing in your life? What do you find the starting point of your problems? That would stop all bad that happened then.
-Just one?
-Yeah. Like- 'id go to college or ' I would put condom while that sex' ...I dont know.

There was silence.

-...Ok. Can you write IT? If you dont want to say IT aloud?

He nodded. Then wrote sth on a piece od paper. Then turned back to her and said- Ive got enough for today.

She nodded and said- see you tomorrow. Turned off the lights leaving.
Then at the corridor she opened the small sheet she was holding in her hands.
IT said -"I would have killed myself at 16. "