Life's a rollercoster

18.

Woke up at dawn in bed trying to remember where the hell he is.
Remembering came with strange feeling something is wrong - his hands  lay freely on his side. He could even sit on the bed. Terrible headache was the only reminiscence of his yesterday's screaming and shouting scene.
Standing up was too difficult but he was trying to follow up what happened since then.
The silence around was dumbfounded . He always liked IT but last days were a torment.
His hands were still bruised around wrists. Hurt. He noticed that his thoughts were not so blurry. That meant that he realised brutally what happened.
He pushed the Bell Button. There came a nurse after short while, asking what was going on.
-I want to talk to the doctor.
-Is sth wrong.?
-Yes.
-Can I help?
He wanted to tell her to shut up and call the doc but knew IT wouldnt be good.
-No. I need the doc.
-Ok , I'll try
After another hour without any contact Speed called again.
-I asked for a doctor.
-Nobody is free. The shift is coming at  6.
-I won't wait another hour.
-Sir, I really dont have anybody here.
(SO GET THE FUCK OuTtA HeRe!) He wanted to say but stopped.
-Then I dont need you here anymore.
-Would you like a pill for sleep?
-No.
-Can I be of any help?
-No. You're actually quite useless.
Girl turned around and wanted to leave.
-Hey....wait. I really didnt want to say such a nasty thing.... Iwould be grateful of you remembered to get the doc Here.
-Mr Speedle...i probably shouldnt be telling you this but this lady Waits Here since midnigt to see you....but I cannot let her in without dr.'s Permission. .
-What lady? Young, long Black hair? My wife?
-No... Older with Grey hair....maybe your mother?
-Thats not possible.
-I'm sorry I didnt want to upset you.
-Its nothing, you didnt. She just wouldnt visit me , thats all. Whos she?
-I dont know one of the nurses told me she's someone you know.
-Could you... Ask her name?
-I suppose... -She wasnt convinced at all.
-Please. I have nothing left.
She nodded and left.
When she came a bit later she whispered " Kern. Laura Kern. " You know her?
-I do... Why cant she let in?
-Doctor must approve.
-Thanks anyway. -He said and she left.

Laura Kern. IT was quite long ago, but he still remembered her name.
What was she doing Here?
After an hour there came a doctor.
-I need to see someone -Speed said.
-Whom? -Doctor asked dryly
-I dont know....-he didnt want to put the nurse in the problematic position- any doctor? Maybe my psychologist?
-You have one?
-We have one at work.
-Is IT Laura Kern?
-Yes.
-She's waiting to see you...I suppose you can see her.
When the Doc left, Laura came in after 30 min.
-Tim?
-Laura...so nice to see you..but why?
-I was in Orlando, visiting and called Horatio for a friendly coffee in the afternoon. He told me youre in trouble. So Here I am.  Tim....whats happening?
-I dont know. I dont Really know.
-Start with the beginning. When we last saw each other you were engaged with a baby on the way, quite pleased with life. What's now?
-My wife had problems while birth, but its all turned out to be ok
Ava is beautiful. My wife came back to work lately and everything went bad. We were both constantly tired...then the accident
-What exactly happened?
-We were going to the doctor with Ava. Somebody hit us from behind and we were squeezed. Looked really bad for me. My wife and daughter were also injured but are fine now. And me? The place I belong aparrently.
-Did you cause the accident?
-Not me, but...
-But what?
-....There was Adderall in my system then.

The silence lasted ages.

-IT didnt get there on its own Tim.
-No. IT didnt.

-....This could cause you were less careful while driving.
-Dont you think I KNOW THAT???
-Do not raise you voice on me.
-Sorry. Yeah. I feel guilty of that.
-Why did you take IT?
-I was constantly tired. Lack of money- our baby girl needs special food so money is essential. I was suspended some time ago so wanted to catch up with more hours.  My wife came back to work after maternity leave so sleeping after coming back home was almost impossible. I... I didnt ...couldnt follow...stopped sleeping or just for a while...that's why.
-Tim....when we last met IT was almost the same. Lots of work, letting your relationship go... You...you need help.
-On a psychitric ward?
-No. Why are you Here?
-I was depressed my wife doesnt want to talk to me, she isolates me from my baby... If not her sister in law Id not have a chance to see her... I actually think it's her husband WHO let me come back to normal existence, without Diazepines and binding. -He showed her his wrists. -See? I talked to psychotherapist and then woke up Here. You know what my wife did? She reported me as abuser, and that I threatened her and Ava.... Had suicidal thoughts and said Id kill them...
-Did you?
-NO! Never. Never. Id rather kill myself than hurt them.  Never, Laura. I dont know why she said that.Even her brother and his wife are shocked.
-So except Adderall nothing is true?
-Well... She also said I am unstable.  That I tend to hurt myself.
-And?
-And that was partly true. When I was stressed or angry. I used to hit the wall...yeah. my hands... IT was obvious when You saw them. But...IT was only few times. And only when I really couldnt take the pressure or Anger.
-Since when.
-Since I was young.
-Hitting the wall under stress?
-Yeah.
-Only this?
-You mean?
-Other things...people do to harm themselves.
-No.
-then Show me your forearms.
-What for?
-Just do IT.
He straightened his hands. She took a careful look.

-If you EVER lie to me again, Tim, I will never come back Here again.