Life's a rollercoster

24.

-Calleigh...can we talk? -Speed was satnding in the kitchen door.
-Will u be a good boy? -She blinked
-Yeah. I will.
-Then ok.
-Want some coffee?
-Yes.
Sipping the coffee she was trying to find the optimistic look to let herself know all is right
-I...I wanted to apologise for what I did earlier. I dont.. dont know why actually.
-No problem, Tim, just dont do IT anymore ok ?
-Are you bothered? Im very sorry.
-No...though you surprised me a bit I must say. I thought we finished the stage. And also youre not the person WHO needs a constant presence of woman in his life.
-How can you know that?
-There were times when You didnt have anybody, long times.
-Yes. I dont know - I just wanted to be wanted again... You see....I was left by a woman, charged with ridiculous cases...as If I could do such things..Cal you known me for a long time. You are my friend...do you think I can do that?
-I dont know Tim. I personally dont believe IT, but its evidence what counts. And she put some truths to her lies, which Makes IT sound more probable.
-Like me- cheating?
-Yeah...did you really?
-Yeah. Just before our wedding. I regret IT, really. Dont Remember most of IT. But its not an explanation. Since Ive been married- never. I swear. Im not that bad. I know what you think- only a bastard cheats on a preganant girlfriend...
-Im not judging you Tim.
-I know. But its not like I was in need of. ..you know. When I broke up ith Courney I was Alone for 4 months. Completely. not even a sidechick. But meeting Ally...
-Ally? You did IT with Ally? Really?
-Yes.She came Here for a conference.
I regret IT really. And as I promised I never got close to anybody...except now. Forgive me, I didnt want to scare you. You should have hit me that moment, just a slap.
-I would never do IT. You know. We re friends for long time..
Thats why IT would do me best.im very sorry.
-I know. But do you still feel for me? Do I have to be afraif? -She smiled.
-You dont have to be afraid-He Turned over to pour some more coffee.
-Its not an answer for my question,Tim.
He stood still, back to her, not saying anything. Then he turned over.
-I dont want you to think Im desperate. Im not. I dont need...sex. I mean- that much. I...I need some feedback, some backup. I realised youre one of few people WHO always stood by me. When I was charged of this teen- you remember - she nodded- and while this whole mess with Courtney at the beginning....Even when I started working Here, finishing my studies....you were the one WHO always stood by me. Hospital and Cooper...there you were again. And you only wanted some love in return. And I hurt you so much. Iwill never forgive myself.
-Tim...-she looked at him- you cannot make someone love you....you shouldnt love somebody to thank him.
I helped you because I treat you like my friend, not a colleague. You stood by me too- remember when I found my father drunk and couldnt help him? You came at night and helped me deal with him, and then with all the legal help. Many times at the crime scene you exchanged the victim as IT was difficult for me to deal with. Learnt me many things. i know it was you WHO told Hagen to bring me ice when I hurt my shoulder. I also know About your guardianship when this guy, Thompson, threatened me, I know you were living next door Tim. -He smiled a bit- And remember that two situations with my so called 'boyfriends'?
-Yrah, IT wasnt  difficult to Play your angry fiancee. -He laughed
-I did noticed IT when You hit him, really.
-Yeah IT was a sheer pleasure.
-I saw IT. So you see- its a mutual relationship. Except...
-...except I didnt engage into IT. And now its too late
Calleigh looked at him.
-Event if IT wasnt, it shouldnt be " a thank you ' present, Tim.
-Its not, Cal. Im sorry, I dont know why I started this conversation.
-Because you wanted things clear between us. That's why.- She stood up and came closer- Tim you have a daughter now. And she needs you. More than I do. I have to accept it whether I want IT or not.
-Do you? -he looked at her.
-What you want me to say? What are you saying, huh? -She got angry- you think you can tell me all these things and want me to stay cool? Really Tim???
-Calleigh, I didnt want to put you in difficult position...I thought we will get IT straight and never come back to IT, I will manage it on my own.
-Did you? MEN are insensitive indeed, that's fucking true.
He looked surprised as she never swore before.
-Sorry...my daughter...Yes. SHEs the most imortant for me now. And always will be.  I need to find her. Help her. And WHO would want me in a set with a baby? Youre right and Im wrong. As always as a matter of fact.
He passed her and went back to the room. Opened one of the drawers and starter looking thru the papers.
She finally decided to face him .
-Dont you want to rest a bit?
-No. IT would cause unnecesary thoughts I dont want to have when I cant sleep. Im not tired...just angry.
She sat next to him.
-Tim... Sorry for an outburst.
-You had right to IT. I should be the one to be sorry, to apologize.
-Its ok. Lets do the check together, IT will be faster.

She knelt next to him, going thru the pile of things. She couldnt help thinking what would happen if they stayed together then, when they had a short incident of relationship. Whatever, its over now. She wouldnt want IT now, its too complicated.

But she just couldnt resist looking at his hands, and remember how nice IT was to be touched by him, then, in the past, and how good IT was to be with him... As he cared for all the... needs she had. She realised she was looking for Tim Speedle in every lover she had next-event in Harry- but found none.