Into Darkness

Chapter 9

Ryler:

The next morning Nikki and I are met by Agent Hawthorne outside. I tell him that he does not need to hang around all day while we are in class, that we will both be fine. He agrees to go but promises that he will be close by which I don't doubt for a second. I was up and ready before Nikki so I was able to cover up the bags under my eyes and make myself presentable so she wouldn't be able to tell I didn't sleep at all.

Nikki text me throughout the day to make sure I'm alright and while I appreciate how much she cares I wish she wouldn't hover so much. On top of Nikki's constant texting I also receive messages from Agent Hawthorne checking up on me. I go through the whole day feeling numb and detached, even more so than usual. After last night I need a break from feeling anything because during those restless hours I felt way too many awful things.

When it comes time for me to go to work Nikki offers to drive me and I accept knowing that she'll never allow me to walk. As we walk to her car together I listen to her tell me about her day appreciating her attempt at normalcy, accepting the distraction from my dark thoughts. It's when we are about ten feet from Nikki's car that the bad feeling in my stomach takes hold as I see a white envelope resting on the windshield.

I stop dead in my tracks and Nikki takes another step before she realizes I stopped moving. I guess she hasn't seen the envelope yet. "Ry? What's wrong?" she asks as she looks back at me. I remain frozen and unmoving as I continue to stare at the envelope, unable to take my eyes off of it. Nikki follows my gaze and she freezes too. "What the hell is that?" I hear her whisper.

She grabs my hand and squeezes but I barely feel it because I'm still clinging to the numbness. I break away from her grasp and rush towards the car without thinking. Before I know it I'm picking up the envelope and tearing it open suddenly needing to see what's inside even though I'm terrified to find out. Once it's open I pull out the photo and look at it. My heart stops as I see the old picture of me. Of Rachel. It was taken about three years ago. While he was watching me. I feel pain and fear grip me through the numbness as I flip the photo over and see the words STILL PERFECT written on the back. I drop the picture as I crumble to my knees unable to stand any longer. I want to cry, to scream but I don't. At least not on the outside. On the inside though I am screaming in outrage that this is happening to me again. This can't be happening again.

In the distance I hear Nikki on the phone but I don't really pay attention to what she is saying. I know she must be talking to Agent Hawthorne. I suspect he will be here in just a few short minutes. I remain on the ground unmoving until he arrives, even when Nikki comes and sits next to me cradling me in her arms. I hear her words that everything is going to be fine, that I'm safe. I hear her soft cries and a part of me wants to comfort her, but I can't. I know I should be stronger than this after everything I've been through but I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of being afraid and pretending everything is fine, that I'm fine, because everything thing is not fine and I am most certainly not fine. The man who tried to kill me is back and he wants to finish the job.

Once Agent Hawthorne arrives he has Nikki and I taken to the precinct as other officers process the scene and the photo. People talk to me but I don't really pay attention because nothing seems real. I sit with Nikki for what could be hours or days or maybe just minutes but time just seems to hold no meaning for me anymore. Eventually Agent Hawthorne comes in to speak with us.

"How is she doing?" I hear him ask Nikki.

I see Nikki shake her head in my periphery. "She still hasn't said anything."

"Why don't you give us a minute Nikki?" I hear Agent Hawthorne say.

I feel Nikki still beside me as she looks at me and I can tell she is reluctant to leave me. I want to give her some sign that it's okay for her to go but I can't seem to manage it. After squeezing my hand once though she stands and exits the room leaving Agent Hawthorne and me alone.