Into Darkness

Chapter 33

Ryler:

Colt sleeps in my room with me that night. I guess he doesn't care that Manning knows. I still haven't told him about the conversation we had days ago. I miss Nikki desperately. I find myself going to talk to her, expecting her to be sitting across the room for me, but she's not. I remind myself though that this is for the best. We will all be safer this way.

Sleep is difficult for me to find even though I'm in Colt's arms and I feel safe. I'm too worried about Nikki to sleep. I haven't heard from her yet and I know Colt hasn't heard from her agents. He doesn't seem worried though. I try to use that to comfort me. I did talk to my parents and they are doing fine. They are worried about me but they are safe and that's all that matters.

When the sun rises I'm awake to watch. It's very late or early depending on how you want to look at it, but I've given up on sleep. Colt stirs next to me and seconds later his eyes open. "Are you okay?" he asks his voice raspy from sleep.

"Yea" I whisper. "Just worried about Nikki."

"I'm sure she's fine" he whispers. "She is probably just sleeping. You of all people know how Nikki loves her sleep."

This is true. Nikki does love to sleep and it is obscenely early for her to be awake. "Yea" I agree. "You're probably right."

Colt leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead before sitting up. "I should go get started on some things" he says.

"Okay" I whisper hating that he has to go, especially since I no longer have Nikki to keep me company. I also briefly find myself wondering what he is working on. Do they have leads and just aren't telling me? Would he keep that kind of stuff from me? If it meant I would be safe I know that he would and I find the thought discomforting. I don't want him keeping things from me, but I also don't want to fight with him so I let it go.

"Will you be okay?" he asks his eyes weary and worried.

"I'll be fine" I say quietly, trying my best to put on a brave face. "I have school work to distract me."

He nods but I can tell he doesn't believe me. "I'll be back in a few hours to check on you" he says softly before placing a kiss on my forehead, but before I realize what I'm doing I raise my lips to meet his and kiss him desperately. I'm suddenly overcome with this idea that just like with Nikki this will be the last time I see him, and I don't want our last kiss to be on my forehead. I want passion, hunger, desperation. I want all the things that make up Colt's and my relationship. I want fire.

He kisses me back sensing my desperation and I feel that familiar fire ignite between us. I briefly wonder if a flame as bright as ours can burn forever or if it will burn out quickly. I hope not. I hope this last forever, but as I kiss Colt now I can't help but feel as if something is ending. I try to push the feeling away as I continue to cling to him for dear life.

When Colt pulls away he's breathless just like me. "Are you sure you're okay?' he asks as he eyes me worriedly.

"Yes" I whisper and I hate how it feels like a lie. I don't know how to explain to him though how I'm feeling right now. I don't know how to tell him it feels like this is the last time I will ever see him.

"Okay" he says softly but I can tell he still isn't sure he believes me, but because he trusts me he is choosing to let it go.

"Colt" I call when he reaches the door. He turns back to look at me and my heart constricts from how much I love him. Love really does hurt. It is almost unbearable to love someone this much. "I love you" I whisper and he briefly closes his eyes as if he is absorbing the words and when he opens them again I can see him saying the same thing back with his eyes.

Without another word then he turns and walks out the door and I feel empty, but I try to find comfort in the fact that if this is the last time I see him at least I told him I loved him, at least he knew.