Into Darkness

Chapter 20

Ryler:

Sleep never comes for me that night and the next day I feel like a zombie as I walk around campus. I ignored Colt's texts this morning and stayed in bed. I still wasn't ready to face him after everything that happened last night. We have barely said a word to one another today, but for once the silence isn't weighing on me as much. I'm too tired and numb.

Last night after Colt left, Nikki came back to inform me that when Agent Manning called Agent Hawthorne to fill him in Agent Hawthorne was super pissed that his own computer analyst hadn't run this program yet. He however, was happy to hear that we had a lead on how he found me. He was optimistic like Colt that this would lead to something greater. I didn't allow myself to feel the same hope. I couldn't.

I skip lunch that day deciding I have absolutely no appetite whatsoever. Colt isn't happy about it, but luckily he doesn't give me much of a lecture. I think a part of him is unsure how to reach me right now. I'll admit I'm pretty closed off at the moment, even to him. I think I just need time to deal with everything. I'm honestly not even sure why this is hitting me so hard. I've definitely dealt with worse.

I'm getting ready for my shift at the library when I hear a knock at the door. When I open it I see Colt standing on the other side so I step aside and invite him in without a word. He walks in and closes the door behind him while I walk back over to my bed because I want to create as much distance between us as possible right now. I can't think straight when he's near.

We stare at one another for a while before he hands me a bag I didn't realize he had been holding this whole time. "You should really eat something" he says.

I take the bag from him and look inside. It's just a sandwich and some juice. The gesture is sweet but unfortunately I'm still not hungry. "Thanks" I say as I set the bag aside.

"Aren't you going to eat?" he asks impatiently.

"I'm still not hungry" I say as I lower my head unable to meet his eyes.

"You need to eat" he says and I hear the anger in his voice but also the silent plea for me to just listen.

"Later" I say not budging.

"Dammit Ryler" he says exasperatedly. "I can't let you do this. You need to eat. You need to keep your strength up. You can't say what you said to me last night and then start acting like this. You need to keep fighting" he growls at me, but I hear the heartbreak hidden in his voice because he thinks I've given up and maybe he's right. "If you aren't going to eat then maybe you should skip work tonight and I'll take you to see Dr. Roberts. Maybe she can knock some sense into you since you are completely shutting me out. I won't let you keep hurting yourself though."

It's killing me right now to see him hurting like this and not being able to fix it. I don't want to hurt him, but I can't help him right now. I can't give him what he needs because I'm not sure that I have any fight left in me. The numbness that I was feeling earlier begins to wear off though as his pain becomes my pain. I try to turn it off and shut it out but it's no use. He's already worked his way in. He's a part of me.

"I'll be better tomorrow" I whisper hoping that it's true. "I just need some time. Okay? The past couple days and weeks have been intense and I think it's all just catching up with me. Give me the next 12 hours and I promise tomorrow I'll be better. If I'm not you can drag me off to see Dr. Roberts. Deal?"

He studies me trying to decide whether or not he should believe me I'm sure. And honestly? I'm not even sure he should believe me, but I'm hoping he will. I just don't want to hurt him anymore.

"Deal" he finally whispers. "You are going to take at least three bites of that sandwich before the night is over though." I smirk and his eyes darken but I see a playfulness there. "I mean it Ryler" he adds seriously and I know he is no longer joking around with me.