Scarred

16.Sleepless Nights

Third person

It had been late at night, though by some considered morning when she was up. Up in her thoughts.

Jace had been asleep and long out, while she knew even the thought of sleeping would be impossible.

Why? Because, nightmares would be following her even in her dreams.

That was a promise made by Valentine during his final words before he fell into eternal darkness.
That her past and everyone who came with it will forever be in pain.

Clary stood on the balcony of a small hotel they managed to book a few hours ago. It was near a bakery at the corner of a tiny street.

"You can't keep your eyes of the view or can you just not sleep?"

She knew his voice perfectly even though he had just woke up.

"If I told you it was the first would you leave it?"

A warm chuckle escaped from his throat as he reached to where she stood, gazing at the empty darkness of the street, which instead of being macabre gave it a calm atmosphere. "Probably not."

"Then what do you want me to say? I thought that you would let me unveil my secrets and doubts on my own."

He sighed a little, tilting his head a bit to look at the firey mane of curls illuminated by the stars and moon as her emerald eyes seemed captivated by it. "And it's a promise I intend on keeping but that doesn't explain why you are out here in the cold at 2 in the damn morning."

"It is as simple as I could not sleep?" That was clear to him or to anyone who would have seen her. She had a restless expression but it failed to cover the exhaustion too: bags under eyes, paler skin and all the supposed side effects that came with tiredness all showing as if it was broad daylight on her face.

He however, could read further into it but he wanted to hear the words from her. "I know that but why?" His voice was just a bit more than a soft whisper.

"Many reasons. Wherever I go my nightmares follow. I will never get rid of them and that was something fa.. Valentine was right about. Today was a prime example." She seemed breathless even during her intakes of air.

"I don't see it. I don't see why today was a prime example."

"I lost control and almost killed another shadowhunter. Stuff like that happens all the time and it will never stop."

"It was an act of bravery Clary."

"No, it was an act of cruel nature. I hate mirrors for a reason, because when I stare into one I don't know what I see: a shadowhunter ready to slaughter any demon, an experiment, an emotionless freak or a monster like Valentine. Just the pure fact that I come to compare myself to him disgusts me but it is inevitable to have nothing in common with him." A droplet coming from her glossy eyes fell. Just a single tear.

" I know what I see. I see a beautiful and strong shadowhunter who is prepared to do anything to protect everyone around her. " He gently reached to caress her cheek as she closed her eyes under his touch. "Even what Valentine did to you could not eliminate your humanity."

"What do you really know about me? Not enough and once I tell you everything you will most likely be repulsed." She sobbed silently while he held her tightly. "I am living proof that nothing in Valentine's hands can be whole. I am damaged and I always will be. Not even my full angel blood could save me." Her tears wet his shirt as he rubbed her back.

"Is that what you meant when you said that you were his experiment? You were given angel blood?" Jace asked rhetorically.

"Now you seem to catch on." She chuckled slightly in attempt to cover up her anger. "The angel blood isn't the thing I worry about, it gives me the ability to create new runes but I don't worry about it. I worry that there is this darkness inside of me and I blame Valentine for it but maybe it's not him."