WORD COUNT: 1909
WARNINGS: RAPE MENTIONS
PAIRING: JJ X READER
PAROXYSM
The thought never left you, that feeling kept your head to the ground no matter what happened. You couldn't scrub away what happened, no matter how hard you used the sponge the feelings wouldn't leave, they were still there. You stood in the mirror looking to your body as you couldn't erase it, it was not gonna be going anywhere. There were bruises on your wrist, they were in the shapes of hands, a bright purple that didn't seem to fade no matter how long or how much foundation you put on, which was a lot.
You tried to make sure JJ didn't see them , he would panic and that made you nervous, he would kill Barry and Rafe without even thinking twice, using the little gun he had gotten. You rubbed at the bruises but the pain was no longer there anymore , you pushed it down and hoped to keep it there. There were marks spreading all up and down your chest, having been when they were gonna hold you down and force you to be silent. They had used their strength over you, pushing you down into the sand bed behind a large pile of trees and kept you silenced when they committed the deed, the familiar sound of the buttons on the pants along with the breathing into the side of your chest. It was always the same, it never changed no matter how much help you tried to get.
JJ was your boyfriend of three months, it wasn't long but considering how close the two of you were, it felt like it had been so much longer than that just because the two of you have been friends for over three years, a constant friendship until it happened to turn into much more than that.. You loved him with all of your heart and wished you could have told him what would have happened but he wouldn't want you after that.. He wouldn't want you, you knew that, he wouldn't want seconds, right?
But JJ noticed it, he saw the change in your eyes, the way you couldn't look up anymore or even into the eyes of others without swallowing or the look on your face, you became scared of everything. You started to wear more clothes and you completely shut him out of everything, never letting him into your secrets or even your room. But he had to find out what was happening and he was going to make sure you stayed safe along with telling him what was on your mind, maybe it was depression coming back but at this moment he didn't know, he wanted to..
He stood outside of your house and held onto the little bag of chocolates, along with your favorite movie and flowers, he wanted to surprise you. JJ walked into your house, he had a key and even if he didn't he knew your mother would have welcomed him without even thinking twice. You backed away from the mirror with your hair up in a messy bun, your eyes having dripped with tears but you rubbed them away, trying to stay away from the pain. You dodged it, like a giant ball having been thrown at you, you made it work.
Your boyfriend made his way up the stairs, knocking on the door when it gave you enough time to put on a large sweater and the pants, his favorite outfit on you by chance. He had loved the way it looked on you, when you didn;t have to put any effort into your look, the way your hair fell around your cheeks and when he could hold you closer to him, he loved your lazy look over anything else on you. He adored it. " Hey baby girl.." he spoke softly when he opened the door and stared softly into those eyes of yours, he felt so blessed to have you, just happy to see you again, it had been three weeks after all. " you look so beautiful, you know that?"
A wavering smile came over your lips, seeing as you looked away, you didn't look into his eyes and only sat down on the bed. He walked closer when he set down the little baggie of treats along with the movie, sitting down on the edge of the bed when he held your hand but you pulled back instantly. Touch. That's what seemed to set you over the edge in the moment, you didn't like to be touched and you couldn't see your body for more than five minutes, it was causing your anxiety to swell up and sometimes seemed to push you into a fit of fear.
