Loving You's The Antidote || l.s. ✓

Chapter 30

"You've been crying." Louis stated as Harry trudged into the kitchen, sleeves pulled down over his hands.

Jay glanced at Harry from the corner of her eye before returning to chopping the peppers.

"No I've not." He mumbled, keeping his eyes down on the ground.

"Yes you have. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He slid onto the stool at the breakfast bar, "'m fine."

Louis sat next to him, frowning at his sad posture. "You're not fine."

"I am."

"Louis love, don't force him to talk about it if he doesn't want to."

Harry shot Jay a grateful smile, focusing on his hands again. Louis rested his hand over Harry's, rubbing his thumb over the back of it.

"Do you two want to go and sit down? I'm just dishing up dinner."

"Okay, come on Haz." They moved into the dining room, Louis staring at Harry as he tried to work out what was up.

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"No reason."

"Do I have something on my face?" He suddenly looked panicked, tugging at his sleeves, "or somewhere else?"

"No, no, you've not got anything on you."

"Oh...okay. Why then?"

"I was just trying to work out what's wrong, sorry."

"It's not really anything, it's just, you know when you start thinking and you can't stop, just that."

"What about?"

"Everything. Myself really."

"And is there a reason you keep tugging at your sleeves?"

Harry's eyes shot up to Louis's face, "what? No. What do you mean?"

"Nothing, don't worry." Louis dismissed it, he had a feeling Harry had cut but he didn't want to make things worse.

//

"Harry, sweetheart, can I talk to you a minute?"

"Yeah, sure." Harry followed Jay into the kitchen.

"So you know how I asked you if you had a therapist and you said you couldn't afford one?"

"Yeah?" Harry frowned.

"If you apply with the NHS you can get one for free. I think it would be a good idea but it's up to you."

"Oh, um, can I maybe think about it?"

"Of course love, there's no rush. I just thought I'd let you know so you have the option."

"Thank you." He nodded. "Um, yeah, I'll think about it." Harry knew it would probably be a good idea to get a therapist, but he hated talking about his feelings and the stuff that had happened to him. "Um, would I be able to go to Niall's for a bit?"

"Yeah, just make sure you're back by 10."

"Harryyy?" Louis called from upstairs, "can I use your shower, mine is being a bitch!"

"Louis, language!" Jay scolded.

"Yeah, you can!" Harry called back.

"Sorry mum! Thanks Harry! Bye Harry! See you later Harry!"

//

"I don't know what to do." Harry huffed as he sat on Niall's bed. "I need a therapist really, but I don't like talking about my feelings and experiences so what do I do?"

"If you think about it, there are a lot more pros than cons mate." Niall shrugged, "you should get a therapist, just try it out for a couple of sessions at least. If you really hate it you don't have to continue."

Harry thought for a moment, silently agreeing with Niall. "Do you think it'll really help?"

"I do, I think at least try it. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks Ni. I think I might try it out for a bit." Harry smiled softly.

//

Louis wondered into Harry's bathroom, pausing as he saw a bloodied razor blade on the counter. "Fuck." He muttered, looking around for no apparent reason. It killed him to know that Harry was hurting himself, nobody deserved to go through that.

Without a second thought he ran back to his room, grabbing his post-it notes and a pen, returning to the bathroom and rinsing the blade off.

He knew better than to throw it out, Harry would just be able to buy more and if he didn't have it, he might find other, more dangerous ways to cut himself, so he instead took to writing a message on the post-it note.

please don't hurt yourself curly, you're loved xxx

And a small, stick this to your mirror as a reminder on the back.

He stuck it to the blade before placing it back under the sink. Louis completely disregarded the shower then -well until later that night- and sat at his desk, beginning to write out lots of tiny notes, not wanting Harry to go a day without.

//

"Lou, can I come in?" Harry asked quietly from the doorway the next morning.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, come in." He sat up, yawning as Harry entered the room with a small smile.

"Thank you, for the note."

"Did it work?"

"No, not really, well it helped, made me feel a lot better, but the urge was still there. But it was really nice."

"In that case I'll just have to keep writing you notes."

"You'll run out of things to say within a few days."

"Doubt it love."

Harry blushed slightly at the pet name, looking down to his lap.

"Um, also, I need advice. Well kind of. I spoke to Niall about it yesterday but um, I don't know if I should go to therapy or not."

"You should try it out. It might help and even if you hate it, at least you've tried."

"That's what Niall said." Harry bit his lip, "can you come down with me to speak to your mum about it please?" He asked timidly.

"Course. Come on."

Sorry if the next update takes a while, I don't have any prewritten ones and school is stressing me out.

Also, I'm pretty sure I have anxiety (general and social) but I've not been diagnosed with it and I'm too scared to say anything to my mum. Like I've done tests online (obviously not to diagnose me, just to give me an idea you get me) and they've all said I most likely have it and I have most of the symptoms.

I've been to the doctor's about my dizziness as well and they said that it's probably down to low blood pressure and anxiety but they never said I have anxiety. I'm hoping I'll go about something else and they'll just be like 'oh btw you have anxiety' you know. But like I just want to know if I have it so I can actually be like oh there's a reason I'm being like this.