The Polaroid's on the Wall

Chapter 35: Photofinish 1

I've decided to split this into two parts not only because it's so long but also because I've made you guys wait for way longer than I should have and I'm sorry- I know I keep making excuses but I've just started college so things are hectic but I'm gonna get this done, just you wait! Or not because the first part is here, enjoy and hope you're all doing ok :)

TJ's POV:

My head had been all over the place recently and with what happened at my birthday party keeping me up all night, popping into my head just as I fall asleep and shaking me awake again, I'm still not convinced this party for the end of the school year and middle school as a whole is going to be the best thing ever as Reed and Lester have been repeating to me on the group chat.

There was still so much uncertainty in my mind which I'd rather not think about but there was one thing I was now more determined than ever to do. I wanted to tell my mom about dad.

No.

I needed to tell my mom about dad.

That's what I had been mulling over all of yesterday evening and now. I've been putting it off for years just like I put coming out off for years and telling her the truth about what happened last year. Everyone now knows except her and she should have been the first person I told.

Better late than never though.....right?

I stared at myself hard in the mirror knowing full well that if I didn't do it now then I was never going to do it. I looked like utter shit, my hair was messy and my eyes were bloodshot with the deepest bags I've ever seen myself conjure in my whole 16 years of living. Even my outfit was halfassed, this just made me feel even more like shit. Is this what I wanted everyone in my year to remember me as? A shitty looser who can't even dress properly?

I walked over to my dresser and tentatively pulled out the first hoodie in there. I unfurled it, gripping it by the shoulder blades and holding it up to see which one it was.

I flinched.

This hoodie was the dark grey one I used to wear all the time as my go to. It had white toggles which were currently tucked in which I would use to conceal myself but I was suddenly hit with the overwhelming guilt and nostalgia and I remembered why I had stopped wearing this particular hoodie.

It was the one I had let Cyrus borrow the first time he stayed over.

Clutching it in my hands I didn't even have to bring it closer to me to smell him still on the clothing. My heart ached, thinking back to when everything was much easier, when it was just me, him and the project. Just me him and a camera.

(Don't think bad things- don't do it!)

I glanced at the camera on my bedside table, recalling my messages with Cyrus that night. Don't forget the camera, I told myself.

Hesitantly, I pulled off the T-shirt I was wearing and let the hoodie fall into place. On me it was only slightly loose but I very fondly thought about when Cyrus came into my room with the hem reaching almost his knees.

I chuckled to myself before remembering he'll probably never wear one of my hoodies ever again. I debated whether to take this one off but came to the conclusion that it's just a stupid piece of fabric and I was just being ridiculous.

My eyes shifted to the mirror side where one of the pictures of Chris rested with his model-like pose on the bonnet (or hood) of the car.

The guilt fuelled around my system as I very quickly looked away from it and instead felt the urge to uncover the collection I'd been hiding from myself for weeks.