Graduated Time [ 00.00 ] - StevexTony AU

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟰𝟭 - 𝗔 𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗸 𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 ⍟

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"That's it. That's those little... brave baby steps we all gotta take— to try and become whole again, try and find purpose. I went in the ice in 1945, right after I found the love of my life."

"You gotta move on... you gotta move on."

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How ironic of me to have these meetings. To utter these useless words, leading them to believe that I'm moving on. I have this to say: there is not a single (important) thing that I've moved on from. Is there? And as I speak to the people in the group, about hope for the future and the importance of letting go, I hear these whispers simultaneously.

They're loud... somehow. Louder than my speaking voice. You don't need to lie to them. Why are you really here, Steve? Liar. Liar. Liar? Yes: liar. Really? Liar?

Hope. Am I doing it for hope? At this point... I'm not even sure why I'm doing it, I've been doing it for so long and in the beginning it was like I wanted myself to believe what I was preaching. But... I can't anymore. Surely, I can pretend. That's what I'm doing. I just don't know why.

A way to deal with loss? The loss of my best friends and my soulmate? To speak of trauma without having to say anything. These people don't have to know who I'm talking about. They have no idea Tony is my soulmate, all they know is that we used to be a thing. No one but the team knows. Why am I talking about this? Wait! Never mind. I'm talking about this because I'm not letting go. That's why I keep repeating myself in different clever ways, to get it forward to you that I am in no rush or desire to move on. Not really.

Either way, I'm tired of loneliness. And I'm sure others are as well. Especially Natasha. She's been running what's left of the Avengers for the last 5 years, doing what none of us could've done. She's incredibly strong for doing that, she's carrying a burden. A heavy one. And I don't want her to do it alone. Not anymore.

Like she once said to me: "I didn't want you to be alone."

I got down to the compound, slowly making my way down the familiar halls where silence ruled with force. Until further notice. I was sure Nat would be in the office, doing what? I'm not sure... I haven't visited in a while. Here comes guilt and it's vicious claws into my back.

I indeed spot her. Behind a desk with her feet kicked up on the messy table, she had prepared herself some sandwiches that she hadn't touched. She was crying as I entered. I took a deep sigh before I could speak up.