So Show Me...

Namtitties

Holy Namtitties!

I'm staring up at this giant of a man named Namjoon who has come to get me after my shift. Damn, he's fine! I swear I've stopped breathing. Everyone is taller than me, but he makes others look small. I'm staring. I know I am, but my brain has stopped functioning and I can't even remember what he said to me. A smile takes over his face as he starts laughing at me.

He's got DIMPLES!! That's it I'm officially dead... He leans down to my face waving a hand.

"Jelly you there?" he questions, still laughing as he tries to regain my attention.

"Uh ya sorry... I just got distracted" I push his hand away from my face.

"As I was saying, Tuesdays are my days I don't have anything special planned. I just figured we could go for a walk and get to know each other if you don't mind?" He's nervously scratching the back of his neck waiting for me to answer. Shit, what did Tae tell him to make him nervous?

"Sure! There's a trail by my house that I've really wanted to check out but not alone." I try to put some cheer into my voice. Hoping it will make him less nervous.

You signed up for this! Try and be open to the process. I'm trying to convince myself as we head to the trail. It's not working! My panic is rising as we awkwardly walk along neither one of us talking.

"I'm always afraid of making mistakes. I think I was born with that." Namjoon says finally breaking the silence. He doesn't look at me, just keeps his head up and continues to walk.

"You don't have to say anything, I just want you to listen to my words and think about what I'm saying." We reach a clearing in the trail between the trees there are some large boulders that we sit at.

"Who am I? The question I had my whole life. The question which I probably won't find an answer to my whole life. But I never let myself stop asking that question and I think it's something you should ask yourself." Namjoon looks at me patiently waiting. I haven't said a single thing. I sat there biting my lower lip, head down pulling on my fingers. I let the silence settle between us refusing to speak there's nothing I want to say or share.

"I won't force you to answer me now..." he finally huffs out clearly understanding I won't say anything.

"But just this time. This is how it will work with us every time we meet; I will ask you a question and you will answer it the next time we meet." Namjoon's serious I can see the hard set of his jaw as he lays down the rules.

Namjoon comes and stands in front of me crouching down and resting his large hands on my knees offering me the comfort of his touch.

"The mind is a powerful thing and we will make yours strong! These questions will help you discover yourself and your passion" he gives me a reassuring smile standing and starting to walk off.

We followed the trail back down and headed toward my house in complete silence. Namjoon never said anything else and didn't pressure me to say a single thing either. I was so thankful that he left me alone with my thoughts. He just stood by me like a reassuring pillar as my mind raced.

Who am I? My mind drags me to my past. I remember who I was, before Ashton; happy carefree, and loving. I remember who I was when he was around;  scared, lonely, broken... Who am I now? Happy? No... Scared? Sometimes... Broken?

"Well our time was short, but I hope you really think about what I've asked. I can't wait to hear what you have come up with when I see you again." I'm pulled back to reality when Namjoon speaks. I try to shake the thoughts away before I address him but they still linger.

"Uh, I'll try Joon.." I say back weakly. 

He reaches into his pocket pulling out his phone offering it to me. "Give me your number and I'll shoot you a text so you have my info. If you need to talk or have questions during the week feel free to contact me." 

I take his phone typing in my info, passing it back quietly. He has a large smile as he looks down at his phone instantly calling me. "Just making sure you gave me your actual number." he laughs as my phone starts to ring.

"I'll see you next week." I quickly rush inside and spend the rest of the night pondering Namjoon's question. When I finally fall to sleep it's only to have nightmares of my past.

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Oh gosh, my little Coconuts this was a shorter chapter. 

What do you think about Namjoon's approach with Jelly?

ALSO, I really wanna know what you think about the headers of the chapters I pick BTS song lyrics I think fit the mood of the chapter. 

As always I Purple You!