phobia (sequel to insomnia) | stray kids ff

zone 12: turnover

Hana's POV

"What- what- what are you doing here? How did you get inside?" I stutter, pushing the covers off of me and wrapping my arms around my close friend. "Am I still dreaming?" I let go and stare at his face again, pinching his cheeks to see if he is real. Felix smirks and then winces, pushing my hand away from his face.

"Ow!" Felix reacts. My puffy face and red eyes are still visible which makes him worried. "Have you been crying?" He refrains back to me, his eyes widening as he examines my face. I remember exactly why my heart still feels empty and looks away from Felix's eyes, not wanting to admit it.

"I thought you went back with everyone else," I change the subject but Felix is too smart to not catch my act.

"I snuck in. Now what happened?" Felix returns back to the previous topic.

"How did you sneak in?" I changed the subject once again. "It has taken me three years and counting to find a way out of here," Felix winks and scoffs while looking down at his musty shoes that are brown and dirty.

"I always find a way in," Felix nods his head, making me think. It's always Felix. Felix always has something up his sleeve. I realized how he got in and covered my mouth.

"That's why it smells like poop in here. You went through the sewers?" I question. Felix shrugs.

"Anyway, back to you," Felix returns to the real subject. "You didn't go back with them. Why?" I bite my lip and look down at the ground. If I make eye contact with him, I know I will regret my decision even more.

"My friend got hurt. I needed to be there for him," I say, thinking about Jaehyun. Felix sighs and nods his head knowingly.

"I understand but you really risked your chance to leave for your friend?" Felix asks. "I know you, Hana. You sacrifice yourself for others but you do it too much to the point where you lose yourself. What will happen when you give so much that you have nothing to give anymore?" I tilt my head, puzzled by what Felix is saying.

"There is never enough to give up," I respond, disagreeing with his beliefs. I sigh and clasp my hands together. "I would rather stay here, knowing that I'm helping others than be selfish and know that I abandoned these people."

"You're not abandoning anyone," Felix says. "The only people you're abandoning are your friends," His words strike my heart, making it split open and fall apart. "The ones that came back because they believed in you. The ones that believed you were still alive. The ones who never lost hope in you," I don't respond and just continue to look at the floor. "I know you made a lot of friends here. I know you like helping others and doing all that you can for them but... treat yourself too. You're not just some robot who does what people say. You have your own life to live too. You deserve to be happy too," I didn't realize I was about to cry until a tear rolls down my cheek. I quickly swipe it away and look back up at Felix. I am about to speak again but something holds me back from speaking my true thoughts.

"I can't go back..," I say in a weak voice. Hyunjin's disappointed look pops into my head. I remember the look on his face when I decided to stay. I lost his trust. I lost him...

"Why?" Felix says in a breathy voice. I stare at Felix's eyes and notice how sad he is to see me like this. I sigh at a loss of words.

"I can't..," I simply reply. "At least not now."

We begin to hear footsteps approaching my room and I look at Felix who immediately hides in my closet. I try to act completely normal and drink some water on my bedside table. The metal door of my room opens to reveal my two friends, Joy and Mark. I sit up straight in relief and they rush over to me.

"You're awake!" Joy exclaims and hugs me tight. I close my eyes and hold her a little longer than usual.

"How are you feeling?" Mark asks me. I sigh and look at both of them.

"How's Jaehyun?" I avoid their question about me, wondering how he is. Joy looks over at Mark nervously and I sit there in anticipation and fear. Mark clicks his tongue against his cheek.

"Taeyeon said he has gone into a coma. They don't know when he will wake up," Mark reveals and looks down at the floor. I shake my head and rest it on my knees, avoiding to look at my friends due to the guilt in my stomach. I silently cry and Joy rubs my back to comfort me.

"They're using your blood to save him so, there is a possibility he will survive," Joy tries to make me feel better but bringing up my blood didn't help me. It only made me think about how I can't leave them if something like this happens again.

"We were..," Mark clears his throat which catches my attention. I raise my head and wipe my tears away to hear what he has to say. "We were thinking about your friends, the ones from District 9," Mark says awkwardly. I am still aware that Felix is in my closet hearing everything. I glance at it and look back at Mark. Mark struggles to say what he wants to say. "Why did I have to draw the short stick to tell her?" Mark complains, causing Joy to hit his arm to stop misbehaving. I tilt my head in confusion.

"Don't worry, whatever you have to say... won't be as bad as what has already happened," I say, trying to make him less nervous. Mark nods and regains his confidence.

"Over the past few days, your friends have come back from the dead, I guess," Mark says in his Mark way. "And you know, things have changed and a lot of stuff is now different. Our eyes are opened more and we see what has happened and how corrupt SM is," I nod my head, trying to understand what he is trying to say but it's Mark Lee here. "We want to tell you that we want to help you escape and we want to come with you."

"You want to?" I ask with wide eyes. I feel my heart shake a little.

Right then, something crashes down in my closet and I realize Felix probably got startled by that offer too. They all turn to look at my closet door.

"What was that?" Joy asks, making me gulp.

[i'll walk out that door

to see everything I wanted]