I'm my own alpha

Chapter 42

Everyone gathers around my father with the new born baby in his arms, the baby hasn't been named yet making me question whether it's up to the Luna or the alpha to name to child.

I wonder who named me.

My mother hasn't been down in a couple of hours but the essential is that she's conscious and breathing, after the situation we had upstairs I'm glad I'm out that room. I still don't believe every woman has too push out a living being out of them, by choice obviously. But I could never choose that path.

I get it babies are the cutest things ever and it's more so of a blessing then anything else but, I just can't do it. First of all I'm really petite and a baby that size coming out of me will rip me apart, second of all I highly doubt I'll be a good mother, I'm just not skilled like that. Thirdly, I don't know if Saint would even want me to carry his kids, and lastly I'm just not up to it.

Not even in the future, the fear of dying during or after birth has now traumatized me. As fuck. That's how I lost my mother and I don't want to risk leaving me children motherless, so I don't want kids.

"Nadia," I here my name being called and turn in that direction, my dad comes towards me and my eyes drop to the baby in his arms "you alright? You've gone a little quite."

"No, no I'm good." I shake my head knocking out of my thoughts, he moves towards me and sits beside me " have you named him?" I rub my finger across the newborns soft pale skin.

"We have a name but, we've decided to throw a little party for this little one so he can have a proper introduction." He tells me lightly rocking the baby.

"That's cute," I smile at him and absorb him for a little "your first son. How do you feel about that?"

"Finally!" He chuckles and I join him "Not that I don't love you girls it just that-"

"Yeah dad I know," I nod feeling the headache I thought I got ride of by chugging water come back.

"You okay?" My father notices my pain.

"I told you dad I'm fine." I shake my head making everything go dizzy when I open my eyes back up, out of nowhere I feel a palm smack on my forehead almost sending me flying off the couch "Jesus Christ!" I gasp holding on for real life.

"You're boiling up Nadia," my dad moves closer to me busting my personal bubble, he cups my face turning it to my left then does the same thing in my right direction. When he finally lets go I give him a 'what?' look but he doesn't seem to get it and just leaves.

What the fuck just happened? Did he just inspect my neck and leave? Why the hell would he do that?

I watch my dad leave and Bailey come in the same direction, she plants herself opposite me and follows my gaze "What?" She looks back at me.

"Nothing apparently," I shrug leaning back onto a fluffy pillow, I take a few deep breaths feeling the headache come back to me but this time it feels more like excruciating throbs in my forehead. This time I put on a better poker face not letting an ounce of my pain on the surface, and it works.

Not even minutes later Tili comes skipping in with Tomas not far behind, the whole gang, great. "Hey, how was the party yesterday?" Tili sits next to Bailey with a very familiar blue tie dye crop top.

"It was fine, not that great to be honest." I clench my jaw to stop me from smiling, last night was everything but fine...I take another good look at the shirt she's wearing and realize why it looks so familiar, that's mine! "Why you wearing my top?"

"Huh?" Her eyes widen and she looks down at the top she's wearing like say she didn't put it on "I-ju-I-I-um-"

I mock her stuttering. "You can't speak English now?"

"Bailey gave it to me!" She blurts out.

"Snitch." Bailey doesn't even try to mumble "I gave it to you cause you asked for a blue shirt," she turns to me "I was suppose to put it back!" she turns back to Tili "And you were never suppose to wear that again!"

"You wouldn't like it if I went into your closet and took a shit." I tell Bailey.

"Non of my clothes would fit you."

"All of your clothes would fit me." I correct her, I'm small remember. She's like 5'8, I'm sure I could fine something. I watch Bailey glare at Tili making her bow her head, my eyes glance over at Tomas and he shakes his head with a small smirk "Just wash it then give it back." I tell Tili.

I take the silence as an invitation to look back outside onto our balcony and observe the night view. It's official been a day and a half since Saint went on his little conference, a day and half! I couldn't stop flipping tossing and turning last night. I think I napped at the most.

I guess it's fine since tomorrow we're going back to school and the party afterwards I'll be so drained my body would have no choice but to shut down into a peaceful sleep coma, I just don't fucking get it. I've tried everything to avoid him and now I'm here particularly sitting in a pool of lust waiting for him to come back.

Wanting nothing more but for him to touch my body, his hands on my throat and waist. His eyes on me. His focus on me.

I want him to whisper in my ear so I can feel his hot breath heating me up as I'm trying to breath in between strokes, I just want him. I need him.