Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 4

(Billie's Pov)

"they have to be lying they have to be lying they have to be lying" I repeated over and over again and I walked up and down my room

"billie.."

"i watched her die i watched her die she's dead my baby is dead"

"billie!"

"even if she was alive why wouldn't she of spoke to me or found me or.. or just i don't know did she even mean it when she said she loved me? where is she no she's dead it's not true she's dead she's dead she's dead she's dead" i cried

"billie" Bricker said grabbing me from behind and I finally took notice of him "i'm so sorry"

"what.. is she alive?"

"no.. there wasn't a report saying she died at the scene because she was taken to the hospital"

"so she really is dead.."

"she died the day we got out" he said softly

"he's right" mum said behind me "i'm sorry for stressing you out she must've died at the hospital"

"yeah.."

"it's getting late Billie, you have your first show tomorrow remember"

"yeah okay goodnight mum" I hugged her and she kissed my head

"i'm gona head out too" Bricker hugged me and left

Tomorrow was my first show in 2 years, I didn't want to do a world tour because I'm not ready for that yet so instead i'm just doing a mini tour in la.

•••

"GUESS WHO'S BACK BITCH" i yelled as i appeared on stage

God I really missed this feeling. The screams of my fans as they saw me made me feel at peace once again. This is what made me who I am, everyone who was watching helped me get here and the people who can't watch right now.

"you know what i'm going to bring back a song that you all miss" I grinned and the music to my boy started to play

"y'all better do the dance with me" i laughed and began singing

"what?
my boy my boy my boy
dont love me like he promised
my boy my boy my boy
he ain't a man
and sure as hell ain't honest"

i sang with my whole heart whilst doing the dance with finneas. when the song ended i had a genuine smile on my face for the first time in a long time

soon enough we had done come out and play, hostage, my future, limbo and bad company.

"okay my loves, my next song is going to be my final one i'm sorry this was a short show but let's try to live in the moment right now okay? i need to know that you are all okay because i love and care about you all so much, thank you for having me i love you"

I began singing my unreleased song Ozone, the one I played on my live stream, i managed to finish the rest of the song so they only had heard the first half. I smiled as they recognised the chords and I began to sing. I was shocked with how much they knew the first half like they really had studied the lyrics it was crazy.

"you don't know this part" I laughed

"she told me she sick in the head yeh
the sickness began with the meds
i might just jump off the ledge
or drown in alcohol again

she said don't forget you owe me one
i need some reasons to live, maybe you could show me some
she told me she loved me, but i do not deserve your love
the same person that i need
is the one i'm running from
i don't know whyyy
i'm about to ruin the oz-"

"oh my god" i trembled as i saw someone in the audience who looked exactly like Trig.

My face came crashing into my hands and I began crying. She's dead you're seeing things, she's dead you're seeing things. I kept thinking to myself as the crowed finished the chorus off for me.

I opened my eyes and saw that 'Trig' was gone

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i'm teasing yous too much, first she's dead second she's not third she's dead fourth billie is seeing things... yeah definitely seeing things