Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 52

(Billie's Pov)

Maybe I was a little dramatic? I don't know. I'm just pissed off that she's acting as if we are better off as friends. I want something more and I know she does as well so why the fuck isn't she letting it happen? I can't keep going on like this and if she doesn't let it us happen then I'm gone.. forever.

This pregnancy is really fucking with my hormones. One minute I don't want anything to do with her, the next I was to be kissing her. And right now I'm unlocking Bricker's house. Yes he gave me a house key since I practically lived there. He told me him and Kat extended their little get away for another week so I knew it would just be her at home

"Trig?" I called out but heard no response

I heard a bark and saw a not so small puppy run up to me

"hey phantom where's trig?" i patted him and he barked again to lead the way

She was sitting on her bed. Knees up to her chest crying.

"trig" I whispered trying not to startle her

She looked up at me and her eyes were filled with fear

"NO PLEASE" she screamed "STOP IT I DIDNT MEAN TOO I KNOW SHES DEAD I KNOW I KILLED HER I DIDNT WANT TOO I LOVE HER SO MUCH STOP DOING THIS TOO ME" she cried

"Trig it's me please stop" i tried to comfort her as tears formed in my eyes

"GO AWAY IM SO SORRY I KILLED YOU AND YOUR BABY"

She killed me? Why does she think she killed me im right here?

I noticed she started to rock uncontrollably and hit her head. I didn't want to cry but I did

I grabbed her arm making her scream and wrapped my body around hers

"baby stop" i hushed "i'm not dead i'm here okay? it's really me" i kissed her head trying my best to stop crying but it didn't work

After a few minutes I realised that she must've had a hallucination today or maybe even every day. I was relieved that she started to relax her muscles once she realised I wasn't going to let go because I was real

"why are you here" she croaked "you've been ignoring me this whole time, and you're here now why?"

"because i love you" i cried "i'm so sorry okay? i don't know what's happening to me it's these fucking hormones and you not wanting to try us again really hurt me"

"what's happening to me" trig said with a shaky voice

"can you explain why you acted the way you did just now?" i whispered rocking us gently

"no.. but i can show you"

And that's what she did. She went into the bathroom to get the footage of her worst hallucination and put the sd card into the laptop she play the footage

I felt warm liquid pool out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I wish I was there to help her but I also wish I wasn't there or didn't even see this footage because it hurts me so much to see her act like that

She needs help

I hugged her and never wanted to let her go. She explained to me that the voices and 'ghosts' of me were telling her that because she didn't fuck me I killed myself and the baby.

I feel so sorry for her

So I did what she needs.

"i don't wana go" she whined as I was literally dragging her into the doctors room

"if you go i'll let you come to my next ultrasound yeah?" i rolled my eyes pushing her in

"oOooOo okay" she said as the doctor smiled to her