Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 36

(Billie's Pov)

"i fucked up claud's" i cried into her shoulder

"i'm not surprised she ain't talking to you" she sighed "you need to stop playing around i mean after everything she does.. DONE for you? c'mon Bil, she makes you a happier person and you know it, she put her life on the line for you. You've been fucking with Dylan for a while now and what was supposed to be causal sex changes because he admitted he loved you whilst filling you up with his children and now you're caught gaining feelings. Why? Are you sure you even like him or is it because you wanted to feel loved like you've denied for so long because the one person who truly did love you has been kept in a fucking torture zone for almost 8 months. And now she knows what happened you feel guilty. So Billie, please, stop fucking about with her head and your head because you are lying to yourself about everything. Realise in that tiny brain of yours that you don't feel anything towards fucking dylan" she ranted

And she was right.

I hate being wrong. But she was right

That night when Dylan raped, no had sex with me he told me he loved me. Then he went to sleep and woke up telling me how he never meant to hurt me and he loves me so much.

(Trig's Pov)

I've been staying at Brickers for a few nights now. My brain is fuzzy and weird and my heart just hurts. I don't want to believe everything that happened these past months. Or what happened with Billie. She's been calling and texting me but I ignored it all. I know we should talk about this, but it hurts to try.

But I need to see her

I'm crazy I know I am. I knocked on her door at fucking 2:44am. I couldn't of chosen a better time?

"t-trig?" Billie asked surprised as she opened the door

"we need to talk.."

"i know.. you couldn't of waited till day?" she nervously laughed

"couldn't sleep" i mumbled "why you up anyway?"

"couldn't sleep" she moved out the way to let me step in

She led me to her bedroom and we sat on the bed. Something didn't feel right though..

"w-where's Nitro" i asked

Billie looked at me and her eyes softened "you don't remember.. do you?" she whispered

"remember what.. where's my baby? what happened to him"

"he's... Trig when you went to Bricker.. Nitro" she took a sharp breath in "he's not here anymore"

"Arshtar took him?" I yelled "But I was there I never saw him! oh my god I need to go back"

"Trig"

I felt a pair of hands find my face

"you're not listening to me" Billie said with tears in her eyes "Nitro's dead"

He's what?

"no he's not" i panicked "don't lie to me what the fuck why would you lie to me about that Billie what-"

"these are his ashes" She whispered holding an urn "i got this made for you too.. if you ever came back" she handed me a ring which had a tiny photo of Nitro in it and his ashes

My memories hit me like a truck.

I stormed out of the house sprinting to wherever. I eventually found myself at the park where Billie let me have Nitro for a day

I sat down in the exact spot and began sobbing still holding the ring carefully in my hands

"why him" I yelled at the stars "why him.. he was my emotional support, my protector, my best friend, my everything.... and you had to take him" i sobbed into my hands

Memories flooded into my brain of when he was born, when i first started training him, when i first felt something

I screamed as I felt someone grab me from behind, only to relax as a familiar smell filled my nose

"i'm sorry" Billie whispered and held me and I cried even more

This was not how I planned our talk to go tonight

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Bitch why tf do i do this to myself like i acc started to tear up brooo wtf