Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 21

(Trig's Pov)

Billie stayed in hospital for 3 days, luckily the show where she collapsed was her last one so she has time to rest, she's been told her show would be rescheduled. I've spent a lot of time with Billie recently, not wanting to let her go, i'm worried she'll take something again it's not that I don't trust her it's just drugs fuck you up and even if you don't want to do it, you still do. Right now she decided to come to mine since we have been staying at hers a lot, so that's where we are, in my bed. Not like that you horny fuckers. We were snuggled up watching this disney film called Onwards. Billie has been a week clean from drugs and I've notice her mood change, like she said, she's in pain

"tell me how you feel" i mumbled into her ear as her head was on my chest

"like off the drugs?"

"yeah" i smiled

"i'm afraid people are going to see the real me, the depressed me" she sighed and i hummed for her to continue "and i don't want people to see how i see myself, i just want to be happy... but i'm not sure i know what that is anymore and when i thought you died, you looked happy that you got me out.. you left in peace whilst i was left in pieces and i kept being told to move on because life just goes on but too me that was the saddest part and the thing is with me i couldn't cry it just wouldn't happen so i turned to drugs so it would seem like the drugs made me numb so i couldn't cry when really it was just me"

"you know, i think the people who hide their feelings are the ones who don't know how to react to them, and you taught me that, if you've been hiding them for a while you forget how to understand them, so when you do eventually cry it only lasts for a second because you try to laugh it off and when you feel happy for a second, you want it to last forever but instead it goes away and turns to sadness but it starts to happen too much and you find it comforting in the most fucked up way but you can't cry because you're numb and you can't smile because you're numb" i sighed "billie, if we don't learn from our mistakes history will repeat itself, you're going to get better eventually because this is not some overnight process, if that's just eating one extra meal a day, or smiling a bit more, or even saying you want to get better.. that is more than enough"

I heard Billie sniffle into my shirt and I rubbed her back soothingly pulling her closer but she freed herself and sat up looking away

"bil.."

"no i'm okay it's just a bit overwhelming for someone to finally understand me" she gave a weak smile

I sat up myself and wiped her tears pulling her into a hug "i'm always going to be here for you okay"

"okay" she sniffled and we pulled away

"fuck it" i mumbled and grabbed her face pulling her into me smiling as our lips finally pressed onto eachother

My hands rested onto her waist and she wrapped hers around my neck. I missed this feeling. We continued to make out for a few minutes before we both pulled away breathless and smiling so much it hurt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOUS CAN CALM DOWN NOW IT ONLY TOOK 21 CHAPTERS FOR THEM TO KISS