Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 10

(Billie's Pov)

It's the next day and I'm outside Trig's door debating if I knock or not. I should probably do something soon I mean... I kinda been standing here for 7 minutes just like you do when you would throw up in the night awkwardly standing at your parents door when you were little. Fuck it

I brought my shaky hand up and knocked twice. A few seconds later I didn't hear anything, as I was about to turn around I heard the sound of a chain being unhooked and the door opened. I was greeted by a gun being pointed at my head and quickly brought down by Trig giving a sigh of relief. Lovely way to welcome me.

"come in" she mumbled and moved out the way for me to walk in before locking the door back up.

We sat on her bed because she didn't have much furniture for some reason, everything seemed to be in boxes I guess she just moved in or something

"thank you for coming" she mumbled again "i know this is strange and-"

"STRANGE?" i yelled "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD TRIG I WATCHED YOU FUCKING DIE, ITS BEEN 2 YEARS AND YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO FIND ME"

"i did its just-"

"NO FUCK YOU TRIG I FUCKING LOVED YOU SO MUCH IT HURT ME SO MUCH KNOWING THAT THE ONE PERSON WHO I WANTED TO GROW UP WITH DIED IN MY FUCKIN ARMS JUST TO SAVE ME BUT NO YOU NEVER EVEN DIED DID YOU?"

"but-"

"NO FUCKIN WAY YOU THOUGHT YOU CAN JUST ROCK UP 2 YEARS LATER AND EXPECT ME TO FORGIVE YOU? FUCK THAT" i spat

"OH MY BILLIE FUCKIN STOP" she yelled "let me speak for one second"

"AND SAY WHAT? YOU SORRY? NA IT AINT GONA BE ENOUGH I CRIED EVERY FUCKIN DIED BECAUSE OF YOU DYING AND NOW IM CRYING BECAUSE YOU LEFT ME FUCK YOU EVERYTHING WAS ONE BIG FUCKING LIE WASNT IT?"

"you done" she groaned

"N-"

"no stop" she cut me off "you've made it pretty clear that you hate me which i don't blame you for it but you're not even letting me speak so let me ask you something why did you come? if it's just to make me know how much you hate me, your point has been made" she sighed "i'm gona ask you again why did you come"

I don't know kill you or some shit because I really just want to bash your head in for what you did to me

"was it real" i whispered

"was what real?"

"did you even love me..."

"bil... i've changed so much since then"

"that wasn't an answer to my question" i growled

I looked up at her and watch her sigh as if she was regretting what she was about to say. "i don't know- i mean shit no i don't want to lie- it's not i just- it's doesn't mean"

The fuck she just say?

"what else does it fucking mean" i spat

"i'm not sure i know what love is" she sighed again scratching the back of her neck

"so you lied to me, on your fucking death bed" i scoffed

"no-"

"no fuck you trig, how many more times can you fuck up huh? you disappear for 2 years and now you're saying you don't even know if you loved me? fuck you bro get your shit together i know you hate emotions and shit but love... that's not something to lie about.. don't ever say it if you don't mean it" i got up from her bed but was stopped by her hand

"you're right"

"mm" i rolled my eyes

"i'm sorry.. i do know what love is.. just the fucked up version and i know i loved Cobra.. and hated him"

"cob-"

"i love him and it scares me" she cut me off "it doesn't matter what he did, or how he treated me, how he brought me up... the things he taught me or the people he made me kill because in the end he's still family whether i like it or not yeah he was no where near the best father but he still took care of me, in the most fucked up way possible. and god was i selfish like you said.. i shouldn't of tried to kill him i would take it back if i could but he's dead now so.. oh well... he's always going to be my father but i will never be his daughter"

"where the fuck were you" i said now crying "2 years Trig or should I say Trixie because what the fuck"

"i'm gona throw up if you say that again" she laughed "sit down.. please"

I sighed and sat back down and she began to tell me how she was in hospital and all the medical shit she's been growing through

"i don't expect you to forgive me, i dont deserve it and i never will but i
hope now you can find some peace you won't have to see me much longer" she gave a weak smile

"fuck you mean?"

"i'm moving away" she said lowering her head

"always running from me" i scoffed

"it's not that.. listen i've had it planned for a while now.. how's um Nitro by the way"

"he's good" i smiled "you know he lets people pet him now"

I watched as she perked up "no fuckin way" she beamed "so um.. i don't deserve this at all but um i leave in 3 days so ummm do you maybe think that um maybeicouldseemybabynitroagain" she said really quickly all in one

"he misses you.. so i'm doing this for him not you"

"FUCK YEAH" she yelled causing me to roll my eyes playfully

"meet me at the park tomorrow" i said

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moving? bitch moving already oh wow running from ye problems but what one? wait she has more than one problem? oh shit SpOiLeR aLeRt