Reaction: Losing Sight

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Requested by StarryKimSeokjin

i'm trying to change things up

non-idol au

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Namjoon considered himself to not be a very lucky person. He wasn't the son of a rich billionaire family, he wasn't a royal, he wasn't extraordinary in any way, he had lost his mother when he was fifteen and last but not least, he had retinitis pigmentosa.

It was a rare genetic disorder that only 1 in 4000 people got. His grandpa had had it. And Namjoon had gotten it.

In recent years, his vision had been getting worse and worse. It started out with not being able to see anything in the dark, then being unable to see things to the side (without turning his head, of course). The doctors had explained to him what was going on. The rods in his eyes were getting damaged. When the illness finished running its course, he was going to be legally blind. His case was particularly bad; he was expected to go completely blind.

You'd think that with the amount of time that Namjoon had known about it, he would've managed to accept it. But the reality was, he never truly managed to. There were times when he tried to pretend that he didn't care. Like after that one party at Jimin's place. Namjoon had tried to take the bus home by himself. The others got mad.

"I don't care what happens to me, I'm just going-"

"No!" Jungkook had stopped him. "We can help you hyung! Give me a minute, I'll drop you back home."

Namjoon stopped talking to his friends after that.

There were times when he tried to talk through it himself. He was a reporter for a small company. He could still keep his job. Yeah, maybe he would have to learn Braille and work with that. Many people did. They did fine. Why did Namjoon get so heated then? He couldn't understand it himself.

He considered himself a sensitive and dependent person. He had been dependent on his sight for so many years. Now that the reality that he was going to leave was starting to catch up to him, he felt terrified and sad.

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He gets the news about a week later. He had gone in with his dad to get an eye exam. The doctor examined his eye with an ophthalmoscope and within a few days, Namjoon found out. His cones were getting severely damaged as well. There was no going back.

He was starting to notice it. It was getting hard to identify colours and see details clearly. Namjoon liked to read. But now he couldn't make out the letters on the pages.

His dad drove him home but instead of taking him to his apartment, he took him to his house. When Namjoon asked, he simply answered that he wanted to be with him.

It was frustrating. Namjoon didn't know his dad's house as well as he knew his apartment. He tripped around a lot. He felt scared.

The bright lights started to bother him. His eyes literally hurt when the lights in the room or the sun were too bright. Even when he closed his eyes, he could almost "see" the blinding flashes of orange burning through his head.

His dad was good company. He fretted over him a lot, making sure he was eating enough food, getting enough sleep, was happy, among many other things. Namjoon felt comfortable around him, especially when he was emotionally floundering, like now.

Namjoon tried his best to eat healthy and get enough rest like his dad told him to. He tried to get excited at the cat videos that he was shown, but couldn't really see. He found playlists and listened to new music. But it really wasn't enough.

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