My Spirit Love (phan)

七 - 𝓐𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓐𝓰𝓪𝓲𝓷

Phil's elbow was pressed into the bench in front of him as the teacher scribbled notes on the board at the front of the class. He shuffled his blazer back over his shoulders as the cold classroom stood against his arms. It was certainly much more comfortable to learn at home, although the two months he'd been at school he decided that he actually quite liked it.

On his first day he was met with the looming front gates of the school and crowds of older children who were years more experienced in wearing uniforms than he was. He was introduced to his classes and lessons, dreading the idea of homework already despite his experience. He chose to sit at the back of most of his lessons, avoiding the sociable people and keeping his head down at break time. He soon realised he wasn't going to be one to make friends here, despite his conversation with Dan. He much preferred to keep to himself, waiting out socialising until he made it back into his and Dan's bedroom.

When the other students emptied out the gates and he was left to walk home, he would take note to distance himself from Martyn. It was hard enough for him having a younger brother join his school, let alone one who could see spirits and spent his classes isolated and daydreaming.

It was on this day Phil sat with his chin buried in his palm as he watched the clicking tock above his teacher, when he was dismissed from class by the deputy head and pulled into his office with Martyn draping behind, ducking away from the glass classroom windows. They sat beside each other, his brother now shuffled close to him as he furrowed his eyebrows as though to ask if Phil knew what was going on, but the younger boy shook his head, biting his lips anxiously.

"Your mum will be in shortly. Until then, don't worry, you're not in trouble. Feel free to do homework or read, I'll be in the reception waiting for her to arrive." the deputy spoke solemnly, although that was his usual tone. The Lester brothers were left with the closing door, turning to each other as they tossed their school bags to the side.

"What's going on?" the sixteen-year-old asked.

"I'm not sure." Phil shrugged.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything?!" the younger boy laughed, "Did you?"

"No!" Martyn defensively spat, although also in a light-hearted manner, "Want to toss a ball?" he asked, pulling a bouncy ball out of his pocket and flinging it over. Phil returned it, the both of them falling into a silent game of catch.

Not before long the door opened again, Martyn sliding the rubber ball back into his pocket as Katherine took her eldest son's seat, him standing beside Phil on his chair. She sighed, taking a moment to regain her breath before addressing them both, "Grandma's passed away," she whispered.

Phil's eyes fell onto his brother before they sank away, landing on the floor as his head drooped downwards. He wrapped his hands around his elbows, his skin running cold as he realised he just lost his only other friend. His grandma may be lost, but so was the only other person who understood his experiences. The only other human who he could console himself in and feel as though he wasn't hiding something from. There was a part of him that almost didn't believe his mother's words.

He hoped she would still be around.

"How did she die?" the young child asked, keeping his gaze towards the carpet.

"In her sleep. She's been ill for a while now, but when your dad called her during his lunch break as he always does, she didn't respond."

"Can we see her?" Martyn asked.

Katherine carefully nodded, "That's why I'm picking you up now. She's still in her bed at the moment, but once you two have seen her we'll move her to the morgue." a strained smile pressed against her lips as a tear fell down her cheek.

Phil sniffed, quickly realising he was crying himself as his hands brushed away the dampness against the sides of his face. They were selfish tears; ones that begged her to still be alive so that he could continue talking to her and learning more from her. But he knew that she was resting now, whether as a spirit or beyond. He should be feeling grateful of the years he spent with her rather than the years he will lose.

When they entered her home it felt quiet, Phil's hairs sensitive to the cloth of his school shirt as they trod through the empty hallways. He wasn't sure what to expect if she appeared as a spirit, nor how his grandma would react seeing her grandson mourn for her. Although Philip knew he wouldn't encounter these emotions as before he even searched, he was sure she had moved on beyond the physical world.

He wanted his friend back amd it was as though he was seven all over again, because he was alone.

"Are you alright, Phil?" his mother asked. He nodded, taking the tissue she was holding out towards him. The spiritless body was curled against the sheets, dressed in her night clothes with her pale skin and still chest. His eyes fell onto the corners of the room, moving around as the kindle of hope slowly diminished.

However, he smiled. Meekly and through tears, although he understood the afterlife, and owned a relationship with the beyond that not many could claim to possess. He pushed his fists against his eyes and turned to his brother who was positioned by her side, his fingertips grazing over her cold hands. He wasn't smiling at all.

Nigel remained in the peace of his mother's house as the rest of his family drove home. He would later explain to his boys that he would be clearing her home out over the next week, boxing up her belongings and storing them in the study of their house until they decided what to do with them. The furniture beyond what was moveable or desired would be donated to charity in her name. Her personal items would not be given away without everyone agreeing first. She would be loved until they passed away themselves, living only in the memory of the children of her grandsons, yet to be born. Until then, Phil believed she would be alive until he forgot her, but he wouldn't forget his friend.

The tired boy entered his bedroom, dropping his school bag into the corner of the room and resting his head against his pillow, sensing Dan approach his side and sit at the foot of his bed. Dan's eyes cautiously fell against him, placing his palm on his best friend's back as he waited for him to begin.

"Grandma's died." Phil eventually released, turning around to see Dan still staring over him, "She's gone. I visited her." he answered before Dan questioned if her spirit remained.

Dan stared into the other boy's blue eyes, closing his lips and watching him patiently. Phil sat upwards, pushing his back against the wall as he brought his knees up to his chest, letting the tears continue to slowly roll down. Dan shuffled backwards as well, taking his place next to his human friend and wrapping his arm around his body, relaxing his head against his shoulder. Phil couldn't feel him, but he didn't need to.

The eleven-year-olds held each other as they both mourned. Dan had only see her a handful of times, but she brought meaning to his life and allowed him to understand his existence more than anyone else possibly could. He had no doubt she knew him, even though she was never able to see him past a faint outline.

"We'll do just fine, you know that, Phil?" Dan sighed, fearful of the world ahead when his best friend was alone again, unable to speak to someone who could be seen.

Phil nodded, running his tongue over his dried lips, taking his shirt fabric to his wet cheeks one last time. He swallowed past his soar throat, "I'm scared." he admitted.

"Me too." Dan breathed. He didn't need air, yet his muscles continued to contract past death.

"What do we do now?" Phil asked, "Where are we supposed to go from here?" he was beginning to see what life would be beyond the present moment. He was beginning to think of the future and the more his mind wandered, the more complicated it became. But, Dan wasn't far off, already fearing the day Phil moved out or brought home a girlfriend. He couldn't be Phil's priority forever. He was terrified of dispersing altogether, his energy fading out into his surroundings as he loses his consciousness.

"We don't need to think about that yet." Dan whimpered, pulling himself closer into Phil as he tried to shut his thoughts away.

They were two children facing a universe of questions that no adult even had the answer to, and they were beginning to realise this. Dan and Phil were truly alone.

"Just me and you, huh?" Phil chuckled.

"Kind of scary."

"I think we'll do just fine."