My Spirit Love (phan)

四十四 - 𝓣𝔀𝓸-𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓝𝓲𝓷𝓮

Daniel Howell was the spirit, but Philip Lester looked about as ghostly as his fiancé did. They were twenty-years old in two-thousand-and-nine, and they'd been together for the last thirteen.

For the first time since young Phil saw the boy in his garden, they had nothing to say. They were sat above their bed covers, with their backs against the headboard as they looked at the tea-light candle on Phil's dresser. They hadn't lit it since the day Dan came back, but tonight felt like the perfect night to let the flame burn.

"Thirteen years, huh?" Dan chuckled, turning to face his best friend.

"Don't do this..." Phil chuckled, shaking his head.

"Do what?" Dan pried, shuffling closer.

"You know..." Phil shrugged, "say goodbye."

"You know what would be ironic?" Dan asked.

"What?" Phil replied.

"If you now came back as a spirit."

"Oh God, don't..." Phil rolled his eyes, feeling the spirit's head brush against his shoulder. They weren't sure if it was because they neared the summer solstice, or if it was because Phil was edging away from reality, "I think we've had enough turns for ten lifetimes." Phil admitted.

"Well, it's been eighty years for me. That's at least two short ones."

"Or four if I'm living them." the dark humour settled on them both. They stayed wide-eyed, shaking their heads in shock.

Phil had tried not to do his 'lasts', but he ate breakfast this morning knowing he'd put down a spoon for the last time. He'd closed his laptop knowing the stickers on the back of it would form dust. He'd pegged back the curtains last night knowing he'd want them open when the two boys faded away, and he'd be too weak, come the morning, to open them if they'd closed. He'd woken up with Dan by his side as the sun rose, knowing he'd never feel that again.

"Do you want your family in here?" Dan asked, resting his head against the pillow and staring up at the ceiling. His fingers danced with Phil's over his boyfriend's stomach, the two of them now lying side-by-side.

"You are my family." Phil admitted, blinking slowly in an attempt to hide the water in his eyes. He wanted this moment to be happy; why couldn't he be happy?

"I know." Dan sighed warmly, "But so are your brother and your parents."

"They're yours, too." the black-haired boy pointed out.

The spirit chuckled, "Thank you."

They waited a moment before Phil whispered, "Would it be okay if they were?"

"Of course." Dan nodded, burying his head in the older boy's neck.

Phil swallowed the burn in his throat as he picked up his phone from the bedside table, messaging his brother: "Come up in about an hour." he then looked at the device and held the power button down.

"Are you turning it off?" Dan asked.

Phil stopped, "Should I not?" he liked the idea of his best friend having a plan.

The brown-haired boy shook his head, a grin set against his face as he hummed, "Take a photo of us."

Phil didn't argue, turning the device's screen away from their faces and hoping his finger hit the right button. Dan stayed nestled in his boyfriend's shoulder, and Phil closed his eyes, breathing above the spirit's head. He held the device behind the boy he had cradled into his body, opening his camera roll for the last time and setting his eyes against the shot.