My Spirit Love (phan)

二十九 - 𝓡𝓪𝓲𝓼𝓮 𝓜𝓮 𝓤𝓹

Katherine sat at the foot of Phil's bed, her hand against his ankle as he suspiciously eyed her. Dan, unbeknownst to her, was sat by her son, curled against his side with his soft lips centimeters away from his jaw. The spirit knew something was wrong.

She smiled, running her hand in circles, "I talked to your dad about this, and we came to a decision that we're selling the house-" she put her hand up to hush any questions, "I know, you won't want to, but I'm doing what's best for you Phil, I really am."

"Fuck her." Dan spat, burrowing into his boyfriend, "Please don't go." he knew it was pointless.

Phil shook his head, "I won't go."

"You have to, you can't afford this house." Katherine pointed out, "Even so, Phil, we wouldn't accept the offer from you."

Phil laughed, "I'll find a way," he felt confused, his hands shaking but his mind was not sure why. Everything sorted itself out in the end, this would be no different. It had to go alright, otherwise Daniel would dissappear.

She shuffled closer to Phil, pitifully smiling, "You'll be well again, Phil. We'll get there, together."

Katherine still wasn't sure whether she believed the spirit was real or not. She wanted to, and it was becoming more likely that they do exist, but a part of her still told her it was all in her son's head. This would let her know; he told her Dan can't come. If he does, then he needs psychotic help; it was a simple decision in her mind. If Daniel didn't come, then Phil was able to recover without the pressure of being with the spirit. She knew it was unfair, but she truly believed it was for the best. To her, she'd watched herself lose her son over the last decade, no matter what she did. She had to try this, even if it didn't work.

"Mum, you can't make me go."

"Phil, I don't want to-"

"You can't!" he had tears in his eyes and he was grabbing at the fabric where Dan's hand should have been, "Mum, what the hell are you thinking?!"

"Phil. It's on the market already-"

"What?!" he screamed. He felt a claw at his chest, as though some supernatural creature had ripped itself in and was twisting at his insides. It made him pale, the colour from his face flooding away and his arms shaking by his sides. His head spun and his gut suddenly pressed upwards. He immediately stood up, grabbing the doorway and throwing himself into the bathroom, hunched over the toilet bowl as he threw up into it.

Dan glared at Katherine as he heard Phil hurl in the room opposite. He didn't care she couldn't see him as his eyes stayed trained on her until he dispersed through the wall and into the bathroom across the hall. He sat by Phil's side, his hand rubbing circles on his neck and even though his boyfriend couldn't feel him, he knew he was there.

The older boy eventually looked up, his eyes watery and his cheeks reddened. They were the only thing bright about his face. But then thoughts of the spirit fading fed back into his mind and he was grasping at the toilet seat once more.

It felt to Dan as though they were there all night, with intervals of peace before the black-haired boy was hurling up his insides once again. Dan wasn't sure if Phil stopped because he calmed down, or because there was nothing left to throw up. They sat on the floor, their backs against the opposite walls and their knees half knelt towards their chests so the tips of their feet stood only slightly apart. Dan's elbows were slung over his lap, whereas Phil's remained tucked around his gut while his throat burned.

They couldn't speak. Phil's heart drummed too loud and Dan couldn't find the words to say. There was a shallow knock on the door, followed by Kath standing in the doorway with a pitiful smile on her face, but her son snarled and Dan's terror burnt the light out of the bulb above them, a single tick informing them the ignition had died out. She got the message and left.

The two boys' heads remained facing the empty doorway, their chests rising and falling with each heavy, hastened breath and their teeth chewing at their lips, "I've got to be able to do something..." Phil finally spoke, his hands running over his sweating eyebrows. He threw his head against the wall behind him, Dan wincing at the slam.

"Don't do that." the spirit warned, drifting to Phil's side to take a look at the site of collision.

They were both clueless as to what to do, until Phil's thoughts raced to compile an idea. He threw himself to his heels, running down the stairs and shouting into the front room, "Where's a shovel?!" he demanded, looking at his mum sat with a coffee in her palms.

"I don't know-"

"Where's the fucking shovel?" he repeated, throwing open the closet door and rummaging inside. He found something, it was old and partially rusted, and the end was almost blunt, but he shrugged, knowing it would have to do. He raced into the garden under the purple sky of the morning. The clouds reflected the indigo colours across the expanse down to the horizon. Phil slammed the tool into the dirt, tearing at the frosted grass and ripping up the century-old soil.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Katherine screamed, wrapping a coat around her as she left the warmth of her house.

Phil didn't stop, his lungs panting as he sputtered out, "Fucking proving it to you. Do you even believe Dan exists? After twelve years, do you believe?"

"Phil-" she desperately began.

"DO YOU?!" he cried out, his voice hanging from his swollen neck.

"I don't know!" she gasped, her own chest pulling up a cry. She held her icy fingernails up to her eyes to peel the wetness from her eyes.

"Fucking hell." the nineteen-year-old spat, shaking his head at her.

She warily stepped towards the child, her upper body shaking in the bitter wind and her fear, "What are you doing?"

"This." Phil slammed the shovel into the dirt again, clawing away at the land, "Right here." doubt crawled against him, "His body. Dan's body."

"You can't dig up a grave!"

"It's not a grave! He was killed! He was buried alive in an old well." he hit an old cobbled brick with his shovel.

"And now you're digging it up?" she asked, confusion riding her voice.

"Yes, because how the hell would I have known a body was here unless he's real? What more evidence do you need?" he was crying, streaks of tears dripping down his face, wiped away by the howls of the winter.

"I...I wouldn't...you wouldn't..." Katherine stuttered.

"Exactly." he sighed, pausing for a moment before resuming his digging, "I wouldn't. He's below here, Mum. And then what?" What else can I do to keep us living here?"

"Phil...even if he's real-"

"HE USES ME, MUM!" he admitted, his throat now raw from shouting through the cries of the wind, "HE NEEDS ENERGY, WITHOUT ME HE'LL DISSAPPEAR FOREVER!"

"He's already dead!" she begged her son.

"Not to me." he sniffled, "He never has been to me. To me, us moving away is as good as you driving a knife through Martyn." he warned, "Don't you bloody dare do it."

Katherine saw Phil with his scragged dyed hair and his ghostly face, his features pulled down with defeat and his eyes red from crying dryness. He looked insane, she thought. No matter how bad he'd become, he'd never looked like this before. She'd never seen her son so desperate, so persistent. For a moment she was jealous of the love he gave the dead boy.

Phil kept digging, nature roaring around them but the soils still turning upwards with his force. He wondered if Dan had lied to him, or if he'd remembered the spot of the well wrong. He'd been digging too far, how long had it been, now? How many feet down did Dan tell him his skeleton lied?

There was a hollow crack, Phil's heart slamming down as he chuckled the shovel above the hole in the ground and brushed away the dirt with his fingertips. He looked up, his mother standing over him with terror in the pupils of her eyes, but he was smiling. She was wrong, now he looked mad. He began to lift the scattered bones before she whimpered, "Stop." she ran her frozen palms over her worn face, "Phil, I believe you. Please, stop."