My Spirit Love (phan)

二十四 - 𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽 𝓐𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽

"Am I alright to start driving?" Martyn asked his recovering brother, whose eyes were swollen and cheeks tinted red. Phil nodded, taking in slow breaths and letting the nip of the spring breeze set against his nose as he was driven back to his home.

He sighed when they pulled onto the curve outside their house, biting his cheeks when he confirmed to himself that his spirit wasn't waiting for him on the doorstep. He looked at Martyn who was also facing the front door, but with a much more concerned expression. He brushed it off, opening the car door and closing it as he walked away from the car.

Martyn shot his eyes away from the house, scrambling to get his phone from the drink compartment between the two front seats. He hung up the line, fumbling his phone between his fingers as his chest hastily rose and fell. He knew he'd fucked up. His eyes darted to where Phil was opening the front door, his lips pursing as he made his way towards his younger brother.

"Dan?" Phil mumbled aloud, peering his head around the doorway of the living room. The brown-haired boy sat with his legs crossed, back facing the ceased landline phone. Phil sat beside him, hanging his head between his shoulders and looking pitifully down, not risking peering upwards at the spirit, "I'm sorry," he breathed, "I didn't mean the stuff I said before I left, I-"

"You did."

"What? Dan, I didn't. I'm sorry."

"Bullshit." the spirit whispered, looking to his side where his other half remained curled into himself. The human didn't argue back. Dan sighed, "I'll leave, if that's what you want. You're right: I'm dead, what difference does it make? I'll buggar off and you can find yourself a boyfriend you can actually marry and travel the world with." he should have been mad, but he didn't sound it. He sounded tired and lost, and the words that tumbled from his lips were uttered as truths, not some sporadic release of frustration. Phil didn't reply, so Dan sighed, looking away, "I know that's what you want."

"Dan?" he finally spoke up, "It's not."

"Bullshit-"

"Let me fucking speak." Phil pressed, "I've thought it, sure, but for fuck's sake I've thought about going to the moon and being a fucking superstar."

"You didn't believe those could be-"

"Shut up, please! I never seriously thought you leaving could be a reality!" he was facing Dan with his hands waving in front of his body as he explained himself, "Me thinking about going to the moon was as likely as me asking you to leave. I'm just scared, Dan. I might live half as long as I should, but that's okay. Plenty of people don't live beyond eighty. I'm not taking this away from you; I'm not taking it away from us."

Dan looked up, his eyes bristled with water as his lips fell slightly parted. He looked ghostly and for the first time in months, Phil could see the damage he'd been doing with his constant fear of losing him. He realised that Dan had truly lost him; maybe parting now would feel no different for the younger boy. But if Phil could see what nine months of loss did to one of them, he didn't want to imagine what he'd be like if he knew he could never see his best friend again.

He sucked in a breath through his dried lips, "I have you, and you have me. For as long as we stay like this, we'll be alright. I'll always be okay if I have you."

"Then where have you been the last year?" Dan quivered.

"I've been a total idiot because I was living in a world where I thought I might be without you. But I don't have to be...I'm not going to be."

"Promise?" the spirit chuckled, letting his boyfriend shuffle closer to him.

"Of course. I promise." he let go of a breath he felt like he'd been holding for months and in the moment, he felt as though everything was going to be fine. It would take time, but for as long as he had Dan, he knew the world couldn't be all that bad.

The spirit rested his head against his human's shoulder, letting the flutters of energy in his hair vibrate with their touch. They stayed there until the sun was wholly tucked behind the horizon, letting the show of lights reflect down from the sky.

"What's the plan, Phil? Where do we go from here? You need an education so you can get a job. I...just need to sit here." Dan lamely sighed.

"I'll talk to Martyn, I'm sure he's got some ideas. I was thinking of going into literature, maybe write about what I know and our experiences. You could even write, Dan. Just because I have to type, doesn't mean you can't."

"Seriously?" Dan grinned, "But will you go to university?"

"I'll figure it out. But Dan?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm not leaving you again."

The spirit nodded, letting silence seperate them for a moment before he whispered, "Thank you."

There was a tap on the doorway causing the two young adults to turn around, seeing a cautious Martyn stand lobsidedly against the frame, "Mind if I get some food? I've been waiting half an hour."

They chuckled between themselves, "Sure." Phil agreed, "Hey, Martyn?"

"Yeah?" his older brother replied, already chewing on a slice of bread while he rummaged the rest of the cupboards.

"How would I go to university and still live here?"

Martyn turned around, pointing the half-eaten slice of bread towards him, "Have you looked into online uni? One of my friends did that and it worked really well."

Phil nodded, turning towards Dan who shrugged at him, "I'll look into it, thanks."

"Phil? Where's the food?" his brother complained, taking another slice of bread.

"We should have some chicken nuggets leftover in the fridge but apart from that...Mum and Dad were supposed to have gone shopping today."

"Where the hell are they now, then?"

Phil shrugged, "I don't usually ask."

"I'll call Dad." Martyn groaned, walking out of the room.

Dan turned to his friend, "Can you do university online?"

"Sure." Phil nodded, resting back against the sofa and reaching for the TV remote.

"So, you can stay here?"

"I wasn't going anywhere else." The headlights from Nigel's car shone briefly through the window as they turned into the drive, "Want to go upstairs?" Phil asked.

"I'd like that." Dan smiled back.