My Spirit Love (phan)

四十 - 𝓗𝓮𝔂 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷

"Mum?" Phil asked, knocking on the doorway of the living room as he stood awkwardly against it.

"Hey, Phil." She smiled, "Dan?" Kath questioned.

Phil shook his head, walking into the room as his mother paused the television, turning her full attention to her son, "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course." she agreed, placing the remote to the side, "What is it?"

Phil had waited a couple of days. He wasn't sure why, maybe he was hoping Dan would start to come back and he'd never need to sit beside his mother as he explained to her what was going to happen. But the spirit kept fading, and the reality kept sinking in, "Dan's not been doing well."

"Oh?"

He sighed, crossing his legs. He told her about how the spirit used his energy, how it kept draining him, how Dan needed it to survive and every fine detail there was to what they'd discovered. She knew some of it, but if it wasn't on their blog, it wasn't in her knowledge, and they were yet to share the whole truth. Some things are too hard to face. He took in a breath, looking up at her puzzled expression as she deciphered everything he'd said, "So now he's fading away and I can't do anything about it." Phil whispered, "But, we have a plan. He's going to naturally fade, but keep himself alive as a spirit, using minimal energy he needs. That way, when I've recovered, we can go back to normal."

"But...you'll only have about thirty years to live..." Kath fumbled over.

"I know," Phil nodded, "but thirty years with Dan is better than sixty without."

"And how do you know this plan will work?" she pushed, concern soaked over her eyes.

"I don't," Phil admitted, "but Dan is confident in it, and I trust him enough to believe."

"And I'm not going to lose you like I did?"

"No." Phil reassured her, shaking his head with assurance.

"Then...okay..." she shrugged, nodding, rubbing her hands over her face, "Phil?"

"Yeah?" he replied, standing up from the seat.

"Remember to enjoy this week and he might not want you to, but prepare for the worst."

Phil sighed, looking away but with his head bouncing in agreement, "Okay." he smiled, "Thank you."

***

The two nineteen-year-olds stood by their windowsill, staring out into the light bristles of snow falling against the ground in the garden. Phil's arm rested on the bedpost, as though it was wrapped around Dan's back with the younger boy's head nestled into Phil's cheek.

The older boy could see his table lamp shining through his best friend, the light entirely visible through his torso. In fact, the only sign that Dan still remained was the colour pigments of his clothes and skin. His outlines weren't visible and his mass had dispersed, yet Phil still thought he was beautiful.

Phil heard the spirit sniffling beside him, so he turned, asking him, "What's wrong?"

"Just scared." Dan shrugged, his tone perfected to tell Phil he wasn't upset.

"I know. What part?" the human pushed.

"Being alone; leaving you alone."

"We'll be safe." Phil reminded him.

"I know." Dan nodded, turning away from the snowfall. He looked around the bedroom, Phil's eyes following him as he stepped closer towards the centre of the room.

"What is it?" Phil asked again, "What are you hiding?"

Dan shrugged, lifting his arms in the air and giving his best friend a pathetic grin, "Let's do something." he diverted, holding his hand out to Phil as though he could grasp it, "Dance with me."

Phil chuckled, "What?"

"Oh, come on!" he whined, taking his hand away and walking up to Phil, "Dance with me." his eyes grazed over Phil's lips, "Put on some music and let's forget everything else."

"Okay." Phil gave in, shaking his head as he walked over to his CD collection, "What do you want? Some hardcore My Chemical Romance?" he joked, rummaging through the shelf.

"Pretty Odd. Eight." Dan smiled, his fringe over his eyebrow with a crooked smile on his lips. He watched Phil set the disc into the CD player and join him in the middle of the room, their chests slightly too far apart until Dan stepped forwards, holding his head where it should have fallen into the crooks of his collar bone.

The guitar began metallically strumming in the background as Dan hummed the tune against his lips, swaying his upper body calmly to the rhythm. Phil chuckled, shaking his head as the lyrics of the song set in. Dan looked up at him, a hope set in his eyes that he lived off, "I love you." Phil whispered as the chorus vibrated in their ears. Dan stepped back, holding his hand in the air. Phil snickered again asking, "What do you want?" Dan ran his finger in circles, "Oh my God." Phil whispered, giggling as he and Dan mimicked the spirit spinning on his finger.

They weren't dancers and they never would be, but they didn't need to be on the night where they stood in the middle of their bedroom with the light above their heads beaming down on them. At times, Phil could only see a blur of what should have been a perfectly outlined version of his fiancé, but even that seemed beautiful as his colours merged into a wash of light.

Dan pulled his body back to Phil's as the song slowed, his head resting back on the older boy's shoulder as the last notes died away. They were giggling, filled with energy.

Phil stepped to the CD player, clicking for the song above. He let the guitar strum out around the two of them, hugging them closer back to each other as Dan annoyedly whispered, "Northern Downpour?"

"Of course." Phil nodded, grinning as he held his hands where he should have felt Dan's waist, letting them sway in the melody. Before long the spirit was mumbling along to the words, the lightness they held only a minute ago dispersing around them as they settled into heavy, controlled breaths, listening intensely to the song dance around them.

The beat began to slow and the instrumental faded away until Phil unconsciously muttered, "Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don't you go down..." his eyes were shut until he heard Dan take a sharp intake of breath, watching his chest violently suck in as his eyes faintly welled, "Dan..." he gasped.

"You are at the top of my lungs." the spirit continued, "Drawn to the ones who never yawn..." he looked up at Phil whose expression was filled with concern, fully aware of how his eyes were wet with tears, but unsure if Phil could even see it. He lowered himself to the floor, hunched over his stomach as he wheezed in for breath.

"Dan..." Phil repeated, holding his body upwards so the spirit could cradle himself into his love's chest.

"If you wake up tomorrow and I'm not there..."

"I know you'll be watching." Phil nodded, "And I know you'll be back in a few months." Dan titled his lips upwards, their mouths joining in a kiss as they held their frames delicately close to each other. The CD player clicked before the next song on the track began to play and the world continued around them as the boys sat lifelessly still, listening-in to what the music had to say.