My Spirit Love (phan)

三十三 - 𝓗𝓸𝓹𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼

It's an unusual sensation to wake up once you believed you had died. You first feel your throat, your lips, your tongue as you check it's intact. You shift your arms and then turn your head side to side, before your eyes open and you take in your surroundings.

The floor was damp and the room was dark. He couldn't see two centimetres in front of his face. Maybe the boy had gone blind, but he chuckled realising that was ridiculous. He felt as though he was waking from an unpleasant sleep, his muscles tense and his heart racing in his chest. He wasn't quite sure what room he was in, nor how long he'd been asleep.

He thought back, furrowing his eyebrows to where he'd been before. He knocked on the floor beneath his knuckles, forgetting he couldn't make sounds. He crawled to his feet, standing as he made his way towards the window, watching the street passby the house, but all he could see were beams of light through the clouded bathroom window.

It was dark, so maybe he'd slept through the day. He wasn't quite sure why he'd dissappeared, but last he remembered was Phil storming out of the bathroom and racing down the stairs, shouting out for Katherine. He threw himself against the wall and sat there, letting his eyes close to block out the world around him.

But then he felt faint and the world distorted around him. He remembered now he presumed it was something to do with his form consisting entirely of energy. It felt like Phil had stepped inside him, but instead of the pleasant vibrations he got through his boyfriend, it was as though he was being churned around and warped into a different form.

He shrugged it off, he felt fine now besides from the fizzing in his palms and feet and the race he felt in his heart and throat. He tried to calm himself, reminding his body that nothing was wrong.

He walked away from the window, letting the bathroom door pass behind him as he stepped into his bedroom, Phil's bedside lamp beaming over his figure. Dan smiled at his best friend curled in the centre of the bed with his head on the spirit's pillow.

The spirit sighed, "Sorry." he whispered, "I probably scared you shitless being gone for the day." he rested his hand where he should have felt the strands of his hair. He furrowed his eyebrows, watching the ends of the dyed locks dance with his touch, even though it was mid-winter. Dan did feel odd, though, it was probably him.

The spirit passed out of their bedroom door and wondered down the stairs, hoping to catch a glance of the clock above the mantle piece in the living room. He was right, it was the early hours of the morning. Must have been gone for at least twelve hours. He walked over to the kitchen, acknowledging the mess that was forming by the sink, but what caught his attention was the calendar that hung over it, small ticks by the end of the date so Katherine could tell what the day was every morning.

Daniel scrunched his nose, staring at the date beneath the picture of the bird, reading it over and over again, "January twenty-fourth." he finally said aloud. It must have been early December last he checked. What was that, a month, maybe more?

The fog over his mind blew away with a sharp gasp, as he violently muttered, "Fuck." he looked around, nobody else in the room as once again he forcefully spat, "Fuck." he jogged up the stairs, barging past the wooden door and standing over Phil again. He didn't normally like to wake the boy, but he felt as though his boyfriend deserved to know he was back, "A whole bloody month." he cursed, sitting besides Phil.

Daniel sighed, "Phil." he loudly spoke, "Phil, I'm so sorry I don't know where I've been..." he wafted his hand through his best friend, whose face being pressed against Dan's pillow instead of his own was once cute, but now rushed panic through the younger boy, "Phil I'm so, so sorry please wake up and let me know you're okay." he was beginning to wonder if dissappearing was going to be a regular occurrence or whether or not it was a one-time thing, "Phil!" he snapped.

He groaned, rolling his eyes at the boy and beginning to drain the light in and out of the bulb beside him, hoping the disturbance in light would wake him. He watched Phil's lips move slowly, his hand move towards the direction of Dan. The spirit laughed, "Fucking hell, Phil. You're acting like you're drunk. We've spent nights being up later than three AM, don't pull this one on me." he was laughing but every part of him was telling him to panic.

Daniel hummed, creasing his features as he didn't want to doubt his friend, but part of him wanted to check the bin to make sure he actually hadn't been drinking. He shrugged, Phil wasn't showing any signs of wanting to speak to him any soon, so what would the harm be? He walked to the far corner, glancing into the bin and instead of sighing a relief at the lack of bottles his tongue swelled in his neck and pounds of weight were swung from his ribs, "Phil..." he quivered, "Phil you fucking idiot." he tore his eyes away from the empty pile of medicine, some of the boxes he hadn't needed to touch for years, yet here they were stocked in the rubbish pile.

He pursed his lips and turned back to his boyfriend, shaking his head as he thrashed his arms through Phil's body repeatedly, hoping to get more than a shift from the boy, "Phil? Tell me I'm exaggerating this." he begged, his voice audibly pained, "Phil, you fucking idiot." he sucked in a breath and shook his head.

The fizzing in his limbs turned to burning as though his entire body was a torch. Phil was shifting slightly, but the more he attempted to move and didn't, the more Dan panicked and the heavier the tears felt against his cheeks, "Phil...Phil..." he repeated, not letting a syllable run dry.

He held his palms against his eyes and felt his eyelashes rub against his skin as he blinked, "Phil." he said for the last time, looking at the door and passing through. He checked Martyn's room first, seeing his boyfriend's older brother curled under the duvet and sleeping restfully, "Martyn!" he screamed, knowing it was helpless. No lights were on so he couldn't attempt to wake him with that. He groaned, passing to Katherine and Nigel's room, seeing them facing opposite on the mattress with every fucking light off.

Dan was still for a moment, his heart pacing faster than his mind as he slowly understood what was going on. He spoke it word by word, trying to get the information through to himself so he could work out what to do, "Phil's overdosed," he began, "He's overdosed and nobody knows but me. And I can't get him help, because I'm a spirit. Phil's dying, and there's absolutely nothing I can do." he warily walked back into the room where his boyfriend stayed icily still above the bedsheet covers. He couldn't even tuck him in. He began to believe he would watch his boyfriend die.