My Spirit Love (phan)

三十五 - 𝓕𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭

The spirit chose not to rest that night. He knew it was morning from the sun peaking in behind the blinds and the sound of Phil's parents stirring. He'd listened to his boyfriend's breathing the entire night, not letting a single sound fall out of distance. He was determined on getting him through, no matter the cost to himself. He had to get him through.

"They're waking up now, Phil," he beamed. He'd been talking to his best friend the whole night, hoping he could latch onto his voice and fight to keep from fading away. He wished the boy could speak back. Dan sat up, his limbs feeling heavy, "They're just brushing their teeth, yeah? How about you use the bathroom after them? You don't look like you've washed for a few days." he teased the dying boy. His grin faded as he looked away from the bedroom door, "I'm proud of you Phil, you know that?" he buried his forehead into him, "If you give up now, let me say I'm not mad at you. I want you here, I want us both here. But, it's been a tough ride for us both. We've done well, huh? I'm proud of you for getting through two nights. But...how about one more? One last one for me, huh?" Dan nodded into Phil's shoulder, "Let's do that."

The nineteen-year-olds laid coldly beside each other, the beats of their hearts and the breath from the lungs in sync. If it wasn't such a depressing moment, the sight would have been beautiful. Their matted sets of hair and their slightly parted lips, the nip of the cold January biting them as they cuddled above the duvet under the dark light of the room.

A knock sounded at their door, Dan's mind convinced he'd misheard it until Katherine stood cautiously in the doorway, her eyes greeted with the peaceful image of her son resting, "Phil?" she sighed, "How about you come downstairs with me? I'll get you some cereal and we'll watch a film."

"He's overdosed." Dan whispered, knowing she wouldn't hear him.

"Phil?" she asked again, approaching him, placing her hand against his arm, "Phil?" she gently shook him, his body falling limply, but his chest still rising and falling, "Phil?!" she began to sound panicked, kneeling over the bed with one hand by his nose and the other shaking him, "NIGEL!" she screamed, her breathing rapidly increasing as Dan saw the panic struck through her eyes, "Phil, Phil...please, can you hear me?"

"What's going on?" Nigel was already at her side, holding her as she wept over Phil.

"I don't...I don't..."

Phil's father didn't move for a second, but then his mobile was in his hands and he was walking out of the door.

"What's going on?" a tired Martyn whispered, concern against every word as he looked at his terrified parents, "What's going on with Phil?" but he didn't need to ask.

Katherine was sobbing over Phil, her hands moving through his hair as Dan looked over them all, his face expressionless but every fibre in his body screaming in pain. He was exhausted.

"Mum, move to the side." Martyn told her, she seemed hesitant but didn't question the confidence in his voice. He wrapped his arms around his brother, pulling him to the floor and placing him on his back against the carpet. He leant by his lips, feeling the soft breath of air from his younger brother, "He's alive." he nodded, grabbing a pillow and slipping it under his head carefully, "Mum look around for drug packets." he kept his hand over Phil's mouth and forehead.

"An ambulance is on its way." Nigel sighed, the fear audible in his voice, increased when Katherine held out to him a handful of empty boxes.

"Should I open a window?" Katherine asked.

"No." Martyn shook his head, "He's survived for this long in this temperature, if we change it he could go into shock. I've done this before."

The next twenty minutes was spent in silence, the small family huddled around the dying boy as they held their breaths in fear. They barely cried, tears held back by adrenaline and fear and pages of regret.

The paramedics arrived with a stretcher carrying Phil's body down the stairs, one of them taking the boxes of tablets as they hurried him out the house. Dan followed, standing at the doorway as he watched Katherine step into the back of the ambulance and Martyn and his dad driving in a separate vehicle. The sirens switched on and the vehicles drove away, the last Dan seeing of his boyfriend was with a ventilator tied around his mouth and him strapped to a bed too hard to rest on.

The spirit stood helplessly, watching as they passed the corner. He stood in the cold, the frost not touching him. He was wrong, there was one thing worse than holding Phil by his side as he watched the boy die, and it was watching him be driven off with no one able to explain to him what was going on because nobody believed the spirit was still alive.

***

He stayed there until the sun above him died out and he was left in the darkness, the light pouring in from the living room's bulbs into the patch of grass he stood on. The street seemed eerily quiet, as though it was waiting for Dan's reaction as Martyn's car pulled up on the curve and Phil's older brother stepped out, hugging his arms around his body as he walked jacketless.

"Martyn-" Dan whimpered, following him into the living room until he was sat on the sofa, his head in his palms as the spirit stood behind him.

The spirit sucked in a breath, draining the light slowly out of the bulbs, then bringing them back, and repeating it. Martyn didn't notice it the first time, but after the second set he looked up at the ceiling, watching the bulb's glow. He saw the lamp in the distance flickering at the same pace and pursed his lips, "Dan?" he laughed, shaking his head. He felt ridiculous asking, but he continued, "Right." he nodded, pulling out his laptop, "Flicker once for yes, don't flicker for no. Is this Dan?"

Dan drained the lights once.

Martyn laughed, tears slipping down his cheeks as he still didn't quite believe this, "What the fuck?" he asked. His eyes then lit up, "Fucking hell you flickered the TV last night. I'm a fucking idiot."

Dan wanted to reach out to him, telling him that he wasn't and that it wasn't his fault.

Martyn placed his laptop on the coffee table, a chart of Morse code lit up on the screen, "Here." he sighed, "Do it slowly. Practise a dot."

Dan practised flicking the light for a dot.

"A dash?"

He held the light off for longer.

"Great. Say whatever you want."

Dan concentrated on the bulbs, watching the screen of the laptop that occasionally accidentally flickered as well. Martyn scribbled on a piece of paper as the lights changed around him, "Call PJ?" he repeated the words Dan spelt out to him, "Who's..." his eyes lit up, "I'll find Phil's phone."